Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Ash Tuesday

A heart monitor beeping in a dark hospital room. Footsteps. A door opens. A shadow creeps over a bed where a middle-aged woman is sleeping, a tube under her nose. Beep. Beep. Beep. (That's not me. It's the heart monitor.) A young man wearing red kneels next to her bed. He's got a weird wristwatch-looking bracelet with a familiar green glowing stone on it. He's also got a hippie bead necklace. We pan up to his face and -- David Spade, no! Except he's a little more rugged and, as it turns out, more Latino than David Spade. He's David Espado. The woman's puffy, red eyes open. She's having a Visine night. She blinks a few times. Looks over. "Tyler," she says. Then, "I missed you." Espado may be Latino, but he sounds like he's the whitest boy in Vermont. He says he missed Mom too, and asks if she got his postcards. He sends his mom postcards? Most just send home their laundry. She says she didn't think he'd come. For added emphasis and guilt, she begins coughing. Espado gets up to get a doctor, but Mom stops him, saying she asked him to come by for a reason. She says she needs help. A bedpan, maybe? She says she wants him to help her die. Aw, Mom, again? You always make me kill you, Ma! Jeez! I'm suffocating in this family! Espado gets up quickly and backs away, saying she's going to get well. She counters by saying that she wants to be buried in her hometown of Smallville. Next to where they buried all the other folks who only appeared in one episode this season. He tells her to be strong, as he fights off tears. Mom says she can't fight this anymore. In fact, she's forgotten what she started fighting for. It's time to bring this ship into the shore. And throw away the oars, forever. "If you love'll do this for me," Mom finally says. Aw, Mom! Nice. Real fair. Jeez, Mom. Why can't you ask one of my six brothers to kill you, huh? I always get the short end of the euthanasia stick. Guilt trip, party of one! Espado looks disgusted. He starts to walk off. Then he turns and closes the door. What kind of hospital room has a little window you can look through?

Espado lowers his mom's breathing tube. Kisses her on the forehead. "I love you, Mom," he says. She says she loves him back. "Now hurry up and kill me, you ungrateful little whelp! I'm not getting any more alive here!" Espado takes a pillow from under her, lowers her head gently, then puts the pillow over her head. She must be a shallow breather because two seconds later she's already flatlining. Espado rests his own head on the pillow, crying. A nurse runs in. "Oh my God, security!" she yells. Like she's never seen this before. She pulls Espado off. "She was in pain!" he wails. Other folks run in trying to figure out what's going on. A security guard tangles with Espado and they do a little grapple dance. Espado yells, "Let go!" and he gets thrown right through the window, as is wont to happen on this show. He falls spectacularly and crashes several floors below. Helpfully, my closed captioning reads, "Thud."

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP