Episode Report Card
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Kara Chameleon
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open on the destroyed dam from last week. No work crews? FEMA up in the house? I guess things have really gone to pot in Kansas when there's no state senator to allocate funds for rebuilding Reeves Dam. Damn you, MamaKent! Come baaaaack!

Clark and Lois are walking in the woods near the dam. There's a very neat path through which they walk. Clark says Lois should be resting. She's not about rest. When have you ever seen her rest? She can't even rest her mouth. For a second. Lois says she has to find out what Lex was up to out here. She says Clark should be back at The Talon hanging out with Chloe, especially after what happened with Lana. Clark ignores that. He says it's dangerous out here and he's gotta keep Lois out of trouble. Maybe he's just bored. It's not like there's crime or war out there for him to handle. Clark says this gives him a good opportunity to say goodbye. Oh my God, I've waited for this day. He's kicking her out of town! Lois says they're not a couple, so he can't break up with her. Clark says he's leaving Smallville. Not Smallville. Just Smallville. After Lana's funeral. Whoah, whoah, whoah. Did Clark join the cast of Dirty Sexy Money? Mmmm dirty...and sexy...and money. Lois says she didn't see that coming. Same here!

Lois asks where Clark is running away to. Up north. He says there's something he needs to do. You need to go further north than Vancouver? That's north, man. Lois asks about the farm. She says he can't just let the corn die on the vine. The evil corn entrepreneur Orville Redenbacher has had his eye on the farm for years. He wants to drown it in a sea of movie theater butter. So...salty! Clark says Ben Hubbard is going to run things for a while. Let's hope he's not related to L. Ron or there could be a giant Scientology Center where the barn now stands. Clark thought she'd be happy to see him go. "Who am I gonna pick on?" Lois asks. Clark is sure she'll find someone, considering that even the FDA classifies her as an irritant. Clark asks her to show him which way she went to the dam. He follows. "What is that?" she asks. "Holy crap, this is amazing!" Clark tries to follow, but something nausea-inducing holds him back. Lois pulls back a hilariously set-decorated set of branches to reveals a giant rust-colored flank of metal with brightly glowing Kryptonian symbols on it. They're placed in a circle.

We see a glowing green rock by Clark's foot. He takes a few steps back. Lois asks what Clark thinks it is. Clark says it must be some sort of experimental airplane. Lois says it has no windows. She knows this from only seeing one small side of the object. Lois pulls out her cell phone to take a picture of the logos. She takes a photo on her phone and says she thinks it's a spaceship. Clark is like, "Aw, that's cool, let's go. Ugly Betty is on! I wanna see what happens with Justin's internship!" Clark says spaceships don't exist. Liar! Liar! Liar! Lois says that there's algae on the ship, so it must have been underwater for a while. A shape whooshes past Lois and sends her flying. Lois lands right next to Clark. Clark looks up and sees the flying girl from last week. She's wearing a very tiny light blue tank top with an itty-bitty shoulder jacket over it. Her flat belly is completely exposed. Gwen Stefani? The camera comes in from a low angle to zoom in on her serious face. She's huge! She holds up Lois's pink cell phone and crushes it in her hand. But Lois was locked into a two-year service plan! You bastard! "That's what happens...when you touch my STUFF!" the girl says. Ha! I like her already. Clark stands. She and Clark rush at each other. A circular shock wave radiates from their crashing bodies. Love! Clark flies backward and lands hard on the ground. Gwen Stefani follows. Floating in the air, she tells him, "Go get your girlfriend and don't ever come back." She flies into the sky, one fist up. She goes way out beyond the Earth's atmosphere. She looks down at the puny planet. In her hand, she holds a tiny Kryptonian crest. It glows. She sees a tiny baby inside. It's a test-crest baby! She flies back down to Earth. Save the test-crest baby, save the seventh season!

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