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After Darling Sammy endures yet another of his massive-migraine premonitions, Our Intrepid Heroes head off to Crater Lake, Oregon, only to find a dark demonic blood-borne virus ripping through the humble townsfolk, in the process transforming each and every one of them into neurotic rage monkeys of Ben-Stiller-esque proportions. Our boys barricade themselves in the town's tiny medical center with a handful of survivors, and El Deano blows away at least three of the infected -- but not before one of them slices open poor Sammy's remarkably broad chest to transmit the disease. Half an hour's worth of The Angst That Is Killing Me later, the boys discover that Sam's apparently immune to the bug. That's certainly convenient. And ominous. Maybe. I think. In the end, all of the humble-yet-demonically-infected rage monkeys simply vanish into thin air, and the boys head off to a scenic lake for yet another Suisse Mocha moment, wherein we were led to believe courtesy of the promos that Dean would finally reveal Daddy Shut Up's big secret from this season's premiere. And just as he's about to spill his guts...The Kripkeeper cuts to black! DAMN YOU, KRIPKE! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Oh, almost forgot: Short-Lip Meg's back and chatting with Daddy Demonic via her blood phone again, only this time around, she's Shane Oman from Mean Girls. This should be interesting.
Crackle, Crackle THEN! "You know the truth about Sammy?" No, Mr. Ceiling Demon, sir, but we are supposed to find out tonight! Thanks for asking, though! The Ceiling Demon begins tonight's THEN! by repeating his little snide scenelet with Shut Up Daddy from the season premiere before we get knocked around a bit by Darling Sammy's migraine-inducing death visions for a while. After Sam confirms this rather lame psychic ability for the incredulous benefit of Andy from "Simon Said," he then asks of Shut Up Daddy, "The [Ceiling] Demon said he had plans for me -- do you have any idea what he meant by that?" Shut Up Daddy LIES to Darling Sammy, right before spilling the great big secret truth of it all to El Deano, right before dropping dead. So, El Deano embarks upon a season-long bender of shooting monsters in the face with rock salt that we are meant to interpret as a sign of his deep psychic angst, rather than a sign of, you know, DEAN DOING HIS DAMN JOB. Ooops! This little sequence also includes El Deano meatily thwacking Sam and Gordon around a little bit before whaling on the blameless and bruised Impala with a tire iron, so I guess that was the part we were meant to interpret as a sign of his deep psychic angst. My bad! Despite the fact that, you know, Gordon totally deserved it for using poor Sammy as vampire bait. Whatever. "You're tail-spinning, man," Sam cries out in the voice-over as Dean stares out all dead-eyed from the depths of his blood-spattered face, "and you won't let me help you!"
Crackle, Crackle NOW! Dean, in extreme slow-motion, paces from one closed door in a darkened hallway across to another, deliberately sliding the clip from his automatic to tap it once against the barrel before reloading. I'm almost certain that action was entirely unnecessary, so: Gratuitous Gun Porn. Right there. Are you happy? Raoul, The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, theatrically stifles a yawn with one of his perfectly manicured paws, so I'm guessing his answer is, "Hardly." The camera jumps inside what appears to be a doctor's office, decorated with a poster commissioned by the "River Grove Chamber Of Commerce" that encourages all of us to "Visit Beautiful Crater Lake," and I suppose I should point out right now that Rivergrove, Oregon, is nowhere near Crater Lake and leave it at that, because there are going to be far more important things to scream about much later in the recap.