The Office
Gay Witch Hunt

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Gay Witch Hunt

We open with Dwight, very aggressively cutting his nails at his desk -- obviously, because where else would he do it? And when I say "very aggressively," I mean that he is scowling at his nails like they've wronged him on a very personal, emotional level. Or that it's been so long since he's cut them that they're, like, half an inch thick or something. Once he's done, he blows the clippings off his desk, and straight onto...Ryan's. Y'all, Jim's not sitting there anymore! Up is down! Black is white! Temp is perm!

Ryan confirms this in an interview: he's no longer a temp, and now has Jim's old job. This means that, at his ten-year high-school reunion, it won't say that he's a temp. Instead, it'll say, "Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm." He takes a pause as he lets the majesty sink in, and then sighs, "That'll show 'em." He should make sure to bring lots of business cards for the chumps who ended up at low-end paper supply firms -- not to mention those poor bastards manufacturing pushpins.

Out in the bullpen, Pam looks up to Ryan, sitting in the Jim-shaped hole, and we cut back to the moment of Pam and Jim's big Season 2 finale kiss, where she admitted that she'd wanted to kiss him for a long time, but was still going to marry Roy, and also probably go back to wearing her hair in that dowdy old style, not that she said the last part.

"Jim is gone!" interviews Dwight, sobbing. "He's gone! I miss him so much! I cry myself to sleep! Jim!" He abruptly stops, proving that Dwight is the Sarah Bernhardt of Scranton and was totally faking the entire time: "False. I do not miss him." Aw. Dwight, I bet he misses you.

After the credits, Michael is in his office, angrily defending himself for using the word "faggy." Toby is gently explaining to him that Oscar would prefer that Michael use a word like "lame," instead, but Michael contends, "That's what 'faggy' means!" Apparently, Oscar has come to Toby to complain that Michael called him "faggy" for preferring Shakespeare In Love to an action movie. Michael clarifies that it wasn't just any action movie, it was Die Hard. Okay, not to be a hate speech proponent, but Michael has clearly just won the argument. Anyway, Toby even more gently says that the word isn't acceptable to Oscar because he's gay. Michael's like, "Duh." Toby's like, "No, he's seriously gay." Michael's like, "I'm saying." Toby tries a different tack: "He's attracted to other men." Michael says that Toby's just crossed the line. Hee. Toby takes a breath and makes one final attempt: "Oscar is an actual homosexual." He just told Toby. The camera zooms in on Michael's stunned face as Toby adds that Oscar is hoping he can count on Michael's discretion. That is one naïve homo.

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The Office




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