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8:05: The fancy folks (Jessica Chastain FTW) are getting themselves seated, steadying themselves for the entrance of ol' Stewie himself. Watch this space as we prepare to snark through Hollywood's annual celebration of itself.
8:15: Are we the only ones hoping that one of the items in the Oscar mystery boxes on the red carpet is that severed horse head from The Godfather?
8:22: Smash producers being interviewed. Kristin Chenoweth lies through her teeth, saying, "I think it's in the right hands."
8:25: Five minutes to showtime. Renee Zellweger is so excited, her face almost moved.
8:30: And here we go...
8:31: Robert Downey Jr. refuses to applaud Seth. Good to see someone's got a sense of humor.
8:32: First joke is at the expense of Tommy Lee Jones. So much for that Family Guy cameo.
8:34: "He couldn't make it in the talkies." "As I call it, This Is 90." The Borscht Belt one-liners just keep on coming.
8:35: Obligatory "Daniel Day-Lewis is really, really method" joke. For a real laugh, somebody bring up the fact that he willingly starred in Nine.
8:35: You do not make fun of Chris Brown at the Oscars, apparently. The Grammys are another story.
8:37: William Shatner asks what we all are thinking... "Why aren't Tina and Amy hosting the show?"
8:39: And that's why Oscars tapped Seth this year... nobody knows more about being a boob than him.
8:41: To his credit, at least Seth knows when to get out of the way and let the pretty people dance.
8:42: This bit is really running on a bit too long. Two minutes of Shatner is enough, even in Kirk duds.
8:43: Y'know, if Flight really had starred sock puppets, it probably would have earned at least another $100 million.
8:44: Gotta say, Seth is being an equal opportunity host. He got the guys with boobs and the ladies with Daniel and Joe doing a little soft-shoe.
8:45: Y'know, kudos to Seth for trying to do more than just the usual monologue. But this definitely feels more MTV Movie Awards than the Oscars.
8:47: Yes, please start the show already.
8:48: "Best Oscars ever, says everyone except Entertainment Weekly." Okay, that was a pretty good punchline.
8:49: So final grade to Seth: let's go with a solid B. A lot of energy, some fun cameos (which helped cover up the blandness of his own material) and stunts that mostly worked. Still would have preferred Tina and Amy, but that was not the train wreck we'd been assuming.