Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | 1 USERS: A+

Good morning! It's breakfast time at the Abbott House. Amy walks in late, and Patch informs her that he still has time to fix her up some Huevos Rancheros. For the record, I hate eggs more than any other food in the world. For more of the record, today is the last day of the worst week ever, so get ready for the most pessimistic recap ever written. Amy declines Patch's offer, and gets herself some coffee. Patch thinks Amy is still depressed about Ephram, but Amy says that's not it: she's gotten two more responses from two different schools. Patch asks her if she got rejected. Amy says she did, from Tufts. Patch says, and I quote, "phooey on them." Amy tells her dad that she got into the other school, which is bizarre since she didn't apply there. Patch is all, "Come again?" Amy reveals that the school she did get into is Princeton. She asks him if he had anything to do with it. Patch gives her a huge hug, and ignores her question. "Finally! An Abbott at Princeton University!" Amy laughs while Patch runs out the door and down the street in his bathrobe, bouncing off cars, yelling at all the neighbors, "She got into PRINCETON!" Credits.

When we come back, Ephram and Bright are shooting basketball in the Abbotts' driveway. Ephram is skipping school. Bright asks if he's trying to beat his ditch record. Ephram responds as only the depressed can: school's not that important, he's not going to college anyway, what is the point of it all? Bright warns him that he'll end up watching NASCAR with a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best laying across his gut if he doesn't watch it. Ephram says he may as well go for broke with the stereotype, seeing as how he had a kid at sixteen. Heh. Bright wants to know why Ephram went all the way to California, and then didn't even knock on the door. Ephram says he'd planned to; he had a speech prepared and everything, but when he got there he realized the baby wasn't actually his anymore. "If they cared enough to adopt him, why should I ruin their lives just because I'm...feelin' weird?" Bright's like, "So...Amy wasn't totally wrong, then, was she?" Ephram gets defensive and says it was something he had to actually go and experience for himself. Bright says all he's trying to say is that Amy tried to do the right thing, and maybe Ephram should cut her some slack. Ephram looks as though he might actually be considering this instead of thinking of his own damn self every second of every day.

Diner. Nina has just spilled something all over Treat, and Treat asks her what the hell is wrong with her: "You're like Howard Hughes without the milk bottles." Nina frets that Dimples's brother is coming in town, and she's all nervous about it. Treat tells her she has nothing to worry about, because she's fabulous. Just then, Dimples walks in with his brother, who is not nearly as cute, but kind of hot in his own way. Dimples introduces his brother "Brian" to Treat and Nina. We'll be calling him "Veneers," as his teeth are bigger than Everwood and its surrounding areas. Nina and Treat are pleased to meet Veneers, who says he knew Nina would be blonde. Dimples: "Is it because I told you she was blonde?" Heh. Dimples and Veneers, which is the name of my next makeover reality show, give each other some good-natured brotherly ribbing. Treat asks Veneers how long he'll be in Everwood. Veneers says just for a few days, and we learn that he is an accountant. He asks Nina all about herself -- her cooking, her "kid" -- in sort of a condescending way, so we learn that Veneers is also kind of an asshole. You know, life really sucks.

High school. Amy and her friends are gushing about the schools they each got into. One of them tells Amy that getting into Princeton is sooooo cool, like, except for the New Jersey part, where there's a looooot of Mafia, so Amy should TOOOOTALLY bring mace with her. Shut up, stupid. Amy spies Ephram leaning against his locker, and sadly walks over. She asks him how he is, and he says he's just counting the days until school's over. There's an awkward pause, and Amy says she's going to go. Ephram stops her and says he owes her an apology. Amy perks up immediately. "Really?" Ephram tells her he understands why she did what she did, and says he doesn't even know what he would have done had he been in her situation. He says he's sorry if he made her feel bad. Amy says it's okay; he had a right to be angry at the world, and she understands. Ephram asks her if she maybe wants to hang out, you know, whenever. Amy's like, "I mean, yeah. I mean, whatever. Whenever." Hee. Ephram says he'll give her a call. They both say they should go their respective ways, and leave with cute little respective smiles.

Patch and Rose are getting ready for bed. Rose tells her husband that she just doesn't feel any better, and she's starting to think it's not all stress-related. Patch asks her what her diagnosis is. Rose says she's always tired, no matter how much sleep she gets; her back aches, along with everything else from her breasts to her ankles; and she's been feeling queasy. Patch tells her to come to his office tomorrow for a full work-up, and says some antibiotics might be in order. Rose says she doesn't think that will be necessary. Patch: "Oh, really? And when, exactly, did you obtain your medical license?" Rose tells him that the last time she felt like this was eighteen years, nine months ago. Patch is like, "What? OHHHH. Seriously?" Rose says yes, she thinks she might be...pregnant. Patch gives himself a total pat on the back, unable to hide how proud he is of his super-virility.

Nina's House. They're just finishing up dinner, and Dimples is telling them about the bottle of excellent wine they're drinking. Veneers: "Stop trying to impress her, she's already sleeping with you." Ew, rude. Nina excuses herself to go check on Sam, adding that they should help themselves to the ice cream in the freezer. After she's gone, Veneers pours more wine, and tells Dimples that Nina is awesome. Dimples is all, "Told you!" Veneers says she's a sweetheart, then asks, "So, when are you breaking up with her?" Dimples chokes on his wine, and asks his brother what the hell he's talking about. Veneers says Nina's great -- for Everwood. Dimples calls him a dick, and walks outside. His brother follows him, so he can be even more of a dick, and try to talk Dimples into moving back to L.A. and ditching Nina. Dimples says that Nina is better than all of the women he ever dated in L.A. put together. Veneers says, "Nina is a divorced waitress who's never been outside of the red states." Oh, my God, I hate him so much. Veneers reminds Dimples how awesome his life was back in L.A., with his awesome house and hot girls all over him and everything. Dimples says he's happy here. Veneers feels that Everwood will wear thin in a few months, and when he leaves Nina in the dust, she'll be heartbroken. Dimples doesn't get to respond, because Nina walks outside. "What, no ice cream? Don't make me eat it alone." Dimples tells her they were just waiting for her. Commercials.

Abbott House. Patch calls through a closed door to Rose, "How's it going in there, my dear?" Rose says she's peeing on a stick, and it's about as thrilling as it sounds. I myself have peed on many a stick in my time, and I have to admit, it's a little bit fun, with the science and the dye and the antibodies and the specimen cup and whatnot. Shut up. Patch, who is clearly already designing a nursery, asks Rose if she'd prefer a boy or a girl. Rose is like, "Harold, PLEASE." Patch informs Rose that he has taken the liberty of perusing the Babies 'R' Us website, and she would not believe the cost of a quality stroller these days! Rose looks distressed. Patch thinks it's all very exciting. Rose says it's just not something she was planning. "I never expected to be breastfeeding again at my age!" Patch asks her if she's having second thoughts. Rose says she hasn't even had time for first thoughts. The timer goes off, and Rose goes to

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