In the Warner Bros. lot:
Al Gough: Boy, we sure pissed off the Smallville fans this season, didn't we?
Miles Millar: True dat, Al. Wait, did I just say "true dat?" That really doesn't sound like me.
AG: We'll fix it in post.
MM: Word. So, what are we gonna do? I mean we're the highest-rated show on The WB. Do we even need those drooling geeks anymore? Hell, we barely even talk to DC Comics anymore. They don't even know we're gonna bring on Silver Surfer as a guest character.
AG: [laughing evilly] Ah yes. The "Iceman" episode. Well, damn I don't know. Maybe we should do like one more good episode this season, you know, one where script doesn't look like leftover bits from a Meg Ryan movie.
MM: But what about our Meg Ryan tribute episode? "MegLana"?
AG: I wouldn't dream of messing with a Lana episode. I mean, she's the crux of the show! And she's hella-pretty! But maybe we should throw the fans a bone. Some Lex crap, some Annette O'Toole crap, some new Superman power crap. They seem to like all that crap.
MM: What are we gonna call all this...crap?
AG: How about..."Crap"?
MM: I'll run it by the writers. We do still have writers, right?
AG: Shit, I don't know. I'll go check.
Brooding Dr. Evil music plays as we open on Lex, sitting at his glass desk, his hands triangled at a perfect Mr. Burns pose in front of him. This show is broadcast in high-definition widescreen, and if I have my druthers (druthers donations accepted, by the way), I may be watching it that way by late spring. Lex -- still looking down at his "Here is the steeple..." hands -- says he was under the impression the deal had closed. A lackey, who looks like he could be the biologically impossible son of Nathan Lane and Hank Azaria, holds his briefcase in his arms like a baby and apologizes. Lex is pissed. He says he wants to know how his dad beat him out of a $150 million contract that he thought was a done deal. Nathan Azaria says the only way Papa Luthor could have pulled that off was with inside information. Lex says he and Nathan were the only two who knew about it, and since Lex didn't tell his father... "That leaves you in a very uncomfortable position." Nathan, who seems to be a total wuss, says that if he no longer has Lex's confidence, he'll tender his resignation. Aw. He'll "tender" it. See? Wuss. Lex stands and comes around the desk as the music continues to swell. Lex says his dad would have done more than just accept a resignation. He'd "hobble [Nathan] at the knees" and make sure the poor guy never had a corporate job again. That's fine. Nathan, a Good Samaritan at heart, has always wanted to teach the homeless. Nathan gulps and starts to walk away. "But I'm not my father," Lex says. Lex just wants to know how Papa Luthor found out, and how Lex can stop it from ever happening again. Nathan Azaria, shell-shocked, nods and exits. Lex has a really nice flat-panel monitor on his desk. Oh, wait, he did. He swings his arms and throws stuff off his desk, including the monitor. Lex bends down to pick stuff up and then notices a small white flower. It looks a bit like mistletoe. He pulls out what looks like a needle with some stuff on it: Ah, it's a bug. The Watergate kind. Lex looks around. This is not good.