I'm writing some of this from Vancouver! What a beautiful city! It looks just like Kansas!
If you think last week's recap was evil, wait until you meet its brother. Er, I mean...wait until you see the relations between that recap and this recap, which will be far more evil in the way it is written. Because...um...because...I'm writing it in RED TEXT! Yes...Red text! Eeeeeeevil! And it's BLINKING!
Fine. It's not evil at all. Happy now? Sigh.
We open on the set of The Young Big Trouble in Little China Chronicles. A comely Asian waitress comes down some stairs carrying drinks past a large Asian man in a leather jacket. He also happens to be carrying an Uzi. Cool exotic music is playing. It's a Chinese casino. There's roulette and poker. Where are all the slots? I wanna play Winning Streak! At a table where a hand of poker is being dealt, a young white guy with spikish blonde hair is looking at his cards. His opponent? A grizzled guy in a peppered beard who could have been the guy who sold Hoyt Axton his Mogwai in Gremlins. Wow, that cataract surgery did wonders for him. A big fake-gold-looking cat statue is nearby, and we peek inside its glass eye. There's a camera in there, monitoring the poker action.
In another room, an Asian dude is watching the game on a laptop screen and it's divvied up into four viewing angles. This guy must be very popular at frat houses. He's doing this in what appears to be an outdoor fruit market at night. Gremlins Man, in subtitles, says, "I see you and raise you two thousand" to the young blond guy. He puts some bills on the table. On the laptop screen, a camera zooms in to reveal that somebody's got two aces. Laptop Guy dials into a cell phone with that information. Back at the game, adventurous white guy looks down at his ancient numeric pager and it reads, "09." Ahhh. "09." White Guy sees the two grand and raises another fifteen hundred. High stakes! The big guy on the stairs hears something crash upstairs and goes to investigate. He finds Laptop Guy trying to pack up his things. He was in the next room? Not exactly inconspicuous there, dude.
Leather Dude grabs Laptop Man and drags him downstairs just as the poker hands are about to be revealed. Gremlins Man has a pair of aces. Adventurous White Guy has three nines. I think the white boy won. Gremlins Man picks up a piece of seafood with chopsticks and says, "Very lucky tonight." He nibbles on the food. White Guy starts to take his winnings. But, what's this? Laptop Man is totally busted! "Who are you working with?" the fat man in leather demands. Laptop Man's eyes wander over to the smooth white boy with the fresh winnings. The lady dealer reaches for a gun strapped under the table. She points it at the white dude. He seems unfazed. He apologizes to his accomplice and flips over the table toward the dealer. He disarms another guy with a gun via spin kick and leaps down some stairs as the dealer and the fat man start firing their weapons. What show is this? I like it! White Dude tumbles down some stairs and lands into some boxes of fruit. Some poor businessman walks by just then, and the blond guy uses him as a human shield as gangsters upstairs fire. No exit wounds?