Hey, you came back! Me, too, and not just because I'm afraid of Tubey (although I am a little, because...well, pointy demon tail). Buffy came back too, but we're still pretending she's Bridget and -- to a lesser extent -- Siobhan. So let's get to it, shall we? The show picks up right where it left off last week, with Bridget in the loft, trying to figure out what to do with the body of Siobhan's would-be killer. If you would just be Buffy, Bridget, maybe the body would poof away. No fuss. No mess. No forensic evidence.
Anyhow, as Bridget is struggling to move the corpse, Gemma lets herself in the loft, because Bridget is there at Gemma's behest to talk about Henry's cheating heart, remember? Gemma notices the broken dry wall that Bridget and the hit man crashed through in the first episode, but she chalks it up to a clumsy contractor. She decides they should fire the current one and hire a new one, but warns "Siobhan" that it will take a few days. Bridget is eager for time alone in the loft to deal with Dead Guy, so she readily agrees.
At home she's packing up what I can't not think of as Buffy's weapon bag to go back and clean up the loft, but Andrew doesn't want his pregnant wife going out so late alone for a "walk" and he's stressed out because he and Juliet had a fight and now she's incommunicado. He insists his "wife" gets some sleep. "It's not just you anymore, Shiv. You have to think for two, now." To say the least.
The rest of the episode continues in much the same vein, with Bridget trying to get somewhere, first to the loft to dispose of the corpse and then out of town to meet up with Malcolm (to whom she has confessed killing the guy who was after Siobhan), but nothing is going Bridget's way. Well wait, things at the bank totally go her way. When she can't figure out Siobhan's ATM password, the bank manager has her in his office where he gladly offers her all of Siobhan's money -- not from the checking account; there's hardly any in there (which I mention because I wonder if it will matter later), but from Siobhan's secret emergency-only account. Bridget quips about wondering if a shoe sale at Bergdorf's meets that definition and walks out with an entire bag full of money.
When Bridget thinks she finally has contractor-free time at the loft, Andrew insists they use it as an emergency party venue (because the first place he and his sexy, female British business partner reserved had a flood), so Bridget has to contend with an event planner and his staff, sprucing up the unfinished loft. Fortunately the theme for the party is sort of a Titanic one which involves lots of steamer trunks -- oh so handy for corpse concealment. Just remember kids, when you try this at home, make sure you shut off the corpse's cell phone, or it's going to ring right when your sister's husband (who thinks he's yours) is making some very British speech at his oh so inconvenient shindig. And then some creepy guy, who was probably not invited to your posh little fête, will eye you like he knows exactly whose phone is ringing, and what happened to him. Anyhow Bridget pretty much handles that as deftly as she handled Agent Victor "I'm Really Richard Alpert" Machado crashing the party earlier, and Andrew thinks she's just magical (he's undoubtedly enthralled by Bridget's I-Dream-of-Jeannie-esque pony-tail fall, and oh-so-Dynasty duds).
After the party is well and truly over and Andrew and Bridget are back home at Park Ave., Andrew expresses his appreciation for his wife and if he keeps talking like that, Bridget is going to fall in love with him. She already has a crush. Once he's asleep, Bridget sneaks out of bed and again prepares to go to the loft and deal with the body, so she can high-tail it out of Dodge and get to her hottie sponsor, Malcolm, but no. On her way out, she hears Juliet praying to the porcelain goddess. She flashes back to nine years ago and remembers how when she sought Siobhan's help at that bar in Tahoe, all she got was a sneer and cab fare. (More on that in tomorrow's weecap.) She goes to Juliet who doesn't want Andrew know, but she got blasted at a bar and then took some pill -- she doesn't even know what. When Bridget asks what Juliet wants her to do, Juliet sobs as she begs Bridget not to leave. Andrew catches sight of his "wife" cradling his sobbing daughter in her arms, and goes back to bed with a pleased smile on his handsome face.
But then, Bridget leaves...not really. She just goes to the loft. She calls Malcolm (who is still being stalked by Macawi) yet again and leaves him a voice mail telling him she can't. "For the first time in my life, I'm not the one leaning on people. People here need Siobhan to stay, and I need to stay, for Siobhan. I hope you understand." And when she opens the trunk to dispose of Dead Guy, she is startled to find the job's already been done and the inside of the trunk is as clean as a whistle. Give that event staff a big tip, Buff!
Meanwhile, in Paris, Siobhan goes to the bank to take money out of her secret account only to learn it was closed the day before, in Manhattan. She and her big, floppy hat leave the bank in a fit of pique. Outside, Siobhan makes a terse phone call to a mystery recipient. "She's ruining everything. It has to get done -- sooner rather than later." Grrr argh.
I'll be back with the full weecap, tomorrow. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread. If you have a giant weapon bag of money, just leave it with me.
I have a confession to make, gentle readers. I'm enjoying this show. It's my new guilty pleasure, but I have enough in my life for which I feel deserved guilt, so when the inconsequential Ringer-related guilt slithers up and tries to sucker punch me in the gut, I kick it in its pert, little Buffy-shaped bottom with my stylish, yet affordable boots, and tell it to get to the back of the line and expect a long wait, because right now? I'm having fun and I don't care who knows it. Wanna play with me?
The opening is different this week. We get the pilot shot of stylish Siobhan and slovenly Bridget standing in front of the infinite mirrors to give us infinite Buffies (YAY). There's text now and it reads: "This is the story of two Sisters" (yeah, that's their Pooh-case capitalization, not mine). It's replaced by: "who share the same Face." My dad was an identical twin, so I'm already laughing at the way this is phrased -- as if twins are all UP TO SOMETHING what with their capital-F Face-sharing and whatnot. Once the text disappears, there's a shot of Bridget at NA introducing herself. Sarah Michelle Gellar voiceover: "I witnessed a murder." Next is Agent Victor "I'm Really Richard Alpert" Machado reminding Bridget that all she has to do is get on the stand and tell the judge what she saw. SMG voice over: "You don't get it. If Bodaway wants me dead, I'm dead." Meanwhile, we see Native American Reservation Crime-Boss Bodaway Macawi and I don't want to add this character's name to my spellcheck, but I never feel like I've spelled it correctly. Oh, and he looks menacing. I should probably mention that. We watch Bridget store her Bridget-stuff in the bus station locker. SMG voice-over: "I ran to my sister Siobhan for help." There's a shot of Bridget doing her best Buffy boo-boo face, while Siobhan hugs her. Then we're on the boat, and Bridget's just woken up to find her sister gone. SMG voice over: "Siobhan killed herself and I assumed her identity." Clearly, Bridget isn't a reliable narrator. Meanwhile, Bridget is out on the Park Ave. terrace, calling her sponsor Malcolm to confess what she's done and that, "They all think I'm her." Next is a shot of Bridget getting all Siobhan-ny looking in front of the infinite mirrors. Next, the SMG voice over introduces the rest of the crew: "Her husband. Her lover. Her best friend. Her step-daughter." As Bridget is assaulted in the dark loft, SMG says that she thought she'd be safe. "I was wrong." Bridget shoots her assailant. SMG voice over: "There's a lot about Siobhan's life I don't know." Whew, I'm glad that's over. If they do a new opener (a la the Previouslies on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) each week, I don't know that I'll always break them down. This is only a Weecap, so don't get used to that, kids. Now, let's get to the new stuff, shall we?