Survivor
Storms

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Hear No Evil, See No Evil

Previously on Survivor, sixteen strangers were abandoned in the Amazon and divided into two tribes: Jaburu (meaning "weak, incapable women") and Tambaqui (meaning "cocksure, chauvinistic men locked in a closet since birth and schooled on 1950s television shows"). Peachy told the S16 to "shove off," and the rest of us agreed. Christy "revealed her secret," which wasn't that she had a history of porn, because that's already been done on this show. Instead, she's deaf! How will she ever be able to keep up? Also at Jaburu, Janet was too weak to walk, and Heidi had really big breasts. The men finished their shelter and Rob knew how to play the game: however, his Magic 8-Ball told him to. In the first immunity challenge of the season, Tambaqui "quickly jumped ahead." The jumping? Okay. But the balancing? Not so much. They lost their lead, and headed to the season's first Tribal Council, where Ryan was voted out. Fifteen remain. Who will be voted out tonight?

A foggy scenic overview leads to a shot of a crocodile tail slithering through water, and then we see a sloth. Why aren't there more sloth stuffed animals and sloth lunch boxes and stuff? Because those things are cute! Disney is missing out on the major market of potential sloth lovers. It's Day 4 at Jaburu, and the women sleep outside in the rain. In an interview, Janet explains that this is the fourth night they've slept exposed to the elements. She complains that their shelter -- which appears to consist entirely of a few raised planks on which they sleep -- does not live up to its name. Deena points out some problems with the shelter (none of which seem to be that there's no cover), and Shawna agrees that they need to reinforce its weak center. Heidi explains in an interview that they haven't yet had time to build a roof because of their myriad other priorities. Like cleaning their underpants and buffs, obviously. As we see Heidi pouring water over their clothes, the cameraman scores a $50 bonus for the full-on breast shot. Heidi adds that the acquisition of water and preservation of the fire have been the tribe's focus, and that it takes all of their energy to maintain those two things. Deena tells the others that they need to designate tribal duties, and suggests that one person dedicate herself to fire, water, and logs. The other seven people, apparently, will focus on painting their nails and taping up their breasts. Jeanne parrots Deena's idea, and requests a volunteer, but no one speaks up. In a very thick New England accent, Jeanne explains that Jaburu is disorganized because they don't have a leader, and without one, they won't be able to get it together. Heidi proposes that they build the shelter "like, teepee-style," and they all agree that they don't care if there's a ceiling. According to Shawna, an "A-frame's the way to go." In an interview, she tells us that they are not surviving at this point, and she thinks the guys are probably much better off. As the women continue to stare at the shelter -- apparently in the hopes that it will build itself -- Deena appears to be holding a big, green balloon in her hand. So the "meager" rations included party supplies? Whew-hoo!

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Survivor

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