A Knight To Remember

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 1 USERS: C
A Knight To Remember

Back from the break, Piper and Phoebe move through the hallway and the kitchen, extinguishing the small fires Pre-Raige left in her wake. Piper guesses that Pre-Raige left the Manor once she realized that Road Kill was no longer there. She also bitches that they had enough on their witchy plates without having to deal with Raige's past life. The Dolt orbs in with the scoop from TPTB. Of course, he's missing a crucial detail, as The Elders are about as useful as a monkey typewriter farm when it comes to the backstory. Piper and Phoebe fill him in on the whole Pre-Raige thing. He in turn urgently exhorts them to prevent Pre-Raige from completing her intended mission. "If she conceives [Road Kill's] heir, dark magic will rule his kingdom forever. History will be rewritten. Your future --" "We'll be screwed, the world will plunge into darkness, yada yada yada," Piper concludes for him. While that was amusing because of Holly Marie Combs's delivery, I have to ask: This is Raige's past life we're talking about, right? If so, shouldn't all of these dire predictions already have come to pass? This shit went down in 1130 or thereabouts. Road Kill's kingdom has been ruled by dark magic for nearly nine hundred years already. (I'm thinking "Germany.") History already was rewritten, and the gals don't seem particularly screwed, nor has their world been plunged into darkness. So tell me, what's the point? Wouldn't altering the past pose more of a threat to their current existence, rather than simply allowing the past to occur as it always had? You can take your time answering. It's not like I'm going anywhere. Anyway, Phoebe worries that vanquishing Pre-Raige risks Present Raige's life as well. Piper notes that they can simply "bind" Pre-Raige's powers. That way, the spell inflicted upon Road Kill would be broken, no further harm could come from Pre-Raige, and Present Raige remains unaffected. The three head to the attic to whip up a binding potion. I'm sure it involves cheese. After all, the rest of this episode has.

Blackened BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES. In the gloom of the office, which has been shuttered for the evening, Pre-Raige retrieves Road Kill's pendant from the linoleum in the copier room. She blathers something or other about why Road Kill was drawn into our time before Raige's boss interrupts the reverie. Mistaking Pre-Raige for Present Raige, he wonders why she's still there when everyone else has left. She rises regally and asks, "By what name did you just call me?" He smirks at her, assuming she's gotten roped into performing at the Renaissance Fair as well. He tells her to lock up when she finally decides to leave, and makes his way to the front door. Pre-Raige stalks behind him, looking vacant. I mean, "as if she's about to vanquish his stupid ass." As he exits, he urges her to be "on time for once" the following morning. Get it? "On time"? GET IT? Pre-Raige strides over to a corkboard on the wall covered with photos of BLACK HOLE employees. She plucks one off. Labeled "Paige & Eilish," it shows Rose McGowan and the show's costume designer beaming at the camera. Now that we all know what Eilish looks like, can we hunt her down and extradite her? I hear Slobodan is lonely and could use the company. "Looking forward to meeting you," Pre-Raige intones. Mua ha ha ha ha! Not.

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