Ahem. Sorry about that. And so sorry I can't go back and watch Gaylord's routine again to let you know how he did, because I'm pretty sure I'll rupture something if I do. For whatever it's worth, I'm nearly certain he was prancing around with a mop at some point so, you know. There's that.
In any event, Gaylord returns to the music room in triumph, mainly because Sue's minions were too busy shoving taffy into their mouths to scream at him. Next up is Mercedes, but there is, of course, a problem: "Mercedes has left the building," Lauren announces to anyone who's still bothering to listen to her at this point, because "Miss Jones has not appreciated the way she's been treated, and is refusing to go on." "You guys go find Mercedes," Gwyneth calls out. "I'm gonna go deal with the haters!" Joy. Thank God there's a commercial break right now, because I definitely need the next few minutes to brace myself for the filth that's about to hit my television screen.
Library. Gwyneth has gathered Becky, Jewfro, and Azimio around a table, and long story short, she pretty much straight-up harangues them like so: "I get it -- we live in a culture of insults. I mean, we're constantly bombarded with these images of people who are richer than us, and happier than us, and have more interesting sex than us, and it makes us feel terrible. You know, we tear them down to feel better about ourselves." Rage. Flaming rage. I hate Gwyneth Paltrow so much, it...it...the...flame! Flames! Flames on the side of my face! Breathing...breaths...heaving breaths! I said it before, and I'll say it again: Shove it up your recently redesigned ass, you incomprehensibly unconscionable HAG.
ANY-way, now that we all know We Should Never Be Mean To Anyone Ever Again Lest Everyone Think We Are Just Jealous thanks to Precious Precious Gwynnie over there, what say we all get back to matters we actually care about, like...well, I was going to say "like this episode," but I haven't cared about this episode since Will wrote "5,000 x .25 = 20,000" on the whiteboard, so whatever. Where the hell were we? Oh, yeah: Precious Precious Gwynnie scares the mean old hecklers away with her magical words, so there's that stupid subplot done with. What's next?