Oscars 2013: The Liveblog

by admin February 25, 2013
Academy Awards 2013

10:22: And to no one's shock, it is Hathaway. Well Anne, hope you're prepared to enjoy all the success and great roles that come with this particular award. Just ask Marisa Tomei, Mira Sorvino, Marcia Gay Harden...

10:26: Misfortunes like being sung to by Hugh Jackman? Doesn't sound so bad to us.

10:27: Also, no shout-out to Sally Field this time, Anne? One would think you've been exaggerating her impact on you to curate sympathy or respect or something.

10:33: Sandra Bullock sings the glories of film editing. It's how she won that Oscar for The Blind Side dontcha know.

10:34: Argo takes it, which basically seals the deal on its Best Picture win. Can we just skip to the end now?

10:35: Affleck and Clooney are engaged in the night's sexiest beard-off. The grey is giving the Cloonster the edge for the time being, but don't count out Affleck's Just For Men-assisted face carpet.

10:37: By the end of the night, we fully expect to have heard every single Bond title song sung onstage. Next up: Sheryl Crowe and Madonna doing a mash-up of "Tomorrow Never Dies" and "Die Another Day." It'll lead directly into the obituaries presentation since the epic badness will kill everyone in attendance.

10:40: It's just now sinking in that we're going to be watching this until 8 AM the way the show has been going so far. At Hour 10, look for Jennifer Lawrence to pull out her Hunger Games bow-and-arrow and start offing her competition.

10:46: Random things that occur to us while watching endless Best Picture montages: You know how Weinstein could have overthrown the Argo machine? If he'd made Django Linings Playbook.

10:49: Sorry to keep raising the specter of James Franco, but let's just say it's very clear who Kristen Stewart clearly took Oscar intro lessons. Last Franco reference, we promise

10:50: Harry Potter and Bella Swan give the Production Design Oscar to Lincoln, finally allowing the 16th president to get on the Oscar board.

10:54: Wait, so they can just hand-deliver the Oscar statues to honorees and winners in their seats? That changes everything! At least, we can only hope.

10:58: When we die, we can only hope that George Clooney's holograph honors our memory.

11:05: Nice to see Andrew Sarris represented in the montage of the departed. Maybe film industry types can take criticism.

11:09: Chicago qualifies as a "game-changing" musical? What game is the person who wrote that flagrant lie playing and do we have to join in?

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