Smallville
Ageless

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Zero To 60 In Three Days

LuthorCorp at night. Lex is looking at some sort of brain-scanny chart. He asks Sinclair 2.0 if there's any chance of an error. Sinclair 2.0 says they've run the projections three times. Well run them a fourth time, you lackey! What the hell are we paying you for, anyway? Go stand by that window before it explodes! Lex sighs and rubs the succulent back of his head while Clark just waltzes right in to the no-security zone and says he's found Evan's father. Lex asks where he is. Clark says he's in town, but doesn't want to help. Lex says that Evan's cell division is increasing exponentially. My God. He's as big as a house by now! Wait a minute. We just saw him and he totally wasn't. Dammit, I knew we should have run those tests a fourth time. Sinclair 2.0! Damn you! Hold still while I slap you! Lex says Evan's going to expel a lot of energy when he has a "massive chronological event" soon. You mean like the Big Ben clock in England? Clark asks if Lex is saying that Evan is about to die. Well, let's just say that you should skip depositing money into his college savings account this week. Lex says it's a lot worse than that. Oh no. He's going to die twice! Lex says that Evan will release enough energy to kill himself and anyone else at hand. Don't let the insurgents get him! Clark shits a superbrick.

The auto shop at night. The old man who runs the shop is heading out. Deadbeat Dad tells him g'night as he shuts off the lights. For a deadbeat, this dad sure does work some long hours. "We're closed. Come back tomorrow," he tells Evan as he walks right past the fruit of his grease-stained loins. "You deaf?" DD asks. "What're you starin' at?" Not great acting, that's for sure. Evan -- who has a bad habit of letting his mouth hang open when it's not putting words together -- says, "My father." DD tells Evan not to call him that, and adds that he's not the kid's father. "Yes you are," says Evan, sadly. "Why won't you admit it?" Because ladies won't sleep with an eighteen-year-old with a fifteen-year-old son. DD tells Evan to stay away. "Please, Dad, just help me!" the kid says, pathetically. He reaches out to his father and says he's his son. "No you're not!" DD argues. They tussle a bit. "You're some kind of freak!" DD yells. He pushes the kid away and rips off a piece of shirt as he does. DD falls back and hits something behind him. Blood comes out of his mouth. He was impaled on a random sharp object left out in case they needed to impale anything for an '88 Toyota Camry. Evan, mouth open, is horrified. "Dad?" he asks. Dad's dead. Evan goes to him and keeps saying, "Dad? Dad? My God. What have I done?" as the camera pulls back to a crane shot of the kid kneeling by his dead daddy's body. Can this episode get any more depressing?

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Smallville

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