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Moby Sick

It should surprise no one that House's fresh air constitutional takes him right to Ian's bedside, although I would have been happy enough if everyone just went with Cuddy's orders to give the kid fluids and we never heard from him again and got to spend the rest of the episode watching those three play poker with their nice clothes and personalities. House moves his finger from side to side and asks Ian to follow it with his eyes, revealing that Ian's got a very bad case of CGIeyeitis. Ian's mother, played by an actress I remember from All My Children, asks House when they can expect to see Cuddy, and he responds that Cuddy is totally drunk off her ass tonight, so probably not for a while. Oddly, they do not seem reassured. Then, House takes his pain pills, and we remember that he's the only one whose substance abuse issues should cause impaired doctor abilities. And yet, he's the best doctor there. Go figure. For another test, House tells Ian to grab the handle of his cane, and we see that House doesn't hate his handicap enough to not use it as a cool way to accessorize, because the cane is black with a silver handle to match the fancy affair. Or, maybe this is just his new cane since Wilson ruined his old one. Whichever, Ian reaches at the air instead of the handle, and House gravely informs his parents (the father, by the way, played by a badly-aging Mackenzie Astin) that their son's brain is no longer in full control of his muscles.

House goes to his office and opens a drawer. At the bottom, below his various gadgets, a harmonica, and what should be a nudie magazine but is just some medical journal, he finds a thick patient file for Ester Doyle.

We finally get to see the Cottages when we return to the benefit, where Chase is telling some woman about his recent adventures with a Great White shark that are totally fictional. The woman doesn't care that she's being played by a guy who exudes weaselly sleaze, though, because he's hot and I can't really blame her. House strolls up to interrupt the fun by telling the girl all about Chase's anal fissure problem and previous encounters with a shemale (Cuddy's been busy tonight, I see!) until the woman leaves disgustedly, and Chase accuses House of "screwing" with him, as if this hasn't been every single interaction those two have ever had since the show began. House says that he needs Chase to focus on a new case, and not on the thought of getting laid, and orders him to get Cameron and Foreman and bring them to the meeting room.

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