Aquaman: Pilot

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
Wet And Ready, Bro
Close-up of the seahorse necklace in the dark. It's the crash survivor and he's in what looks like a bunker with two-way mirrors. On the other side of the glass, Craggy Chris Isaak is asking a lady standing next to him how long the kid's been awake. She says that it's been five minutes. He asks if the kid has displayed violent tendencies, like the others. The Others!? She says no. She hands over a set of records from the Naval archives. She says that the dental records match their John Doe. Craggy Chris Isaak must think this guy did a bad, bad thing. Craggy Chris Isaak says this guy was part of a battalion that disappeared in December 1945. Why, that would make him...a billion years old! Inconceivable! "Bermuda Triangle," Craggy says. Oh, well that explains that. The poor young soldier moves toward the mirror. Craggy holds a faded old photo up and says nonchalantly, "Welcome home, Vincent Thompson. Where the hell have you been the last sixty years?" Yeah, dude, sea travel is for suckers. It's disco night at Aquaman's bar. The boat-shaped bar is actually a very cool-looking aquarium! Nice! While ladies are partying in bikinis, A.C. is busy on the phone trying to get a hold of his dad to ask about the guy they found on Mercy Reef. Dude! It's Jäger time! Put the superhero 'tude away! Come to the Bermuda Triangle! It's time to get lei'd. Or is that just in Hawaii? Some dudes are talking smack about "this bitch" and standing near A.C.'s boat talking about some big fish they caught. A.C. wants to go kick some ass, but Boatgirl stops him and says she's already told them to dock somewhere else and will report them to Fish & Wildlife in the morning. If you own a bar by the water and don't like people fishing, you're going to get into a lot of fights, I imagine. A.C. says that he's going to remind the guys about the catch-and-release policy for marlin. They indeed are carrying a big, fake-looking marlin. At least it's not Marlin Wayans. Boatgirl advises that beating the crap out of those guys is only going to land A.C. back in jail. She's assuming that he won't get beat up by four or five guys? Does she know about his powers or what? A.C. is walking back when he's stopped by a giant pair of tits carried by Crazy Alien Girl from the hospital. She's wearing a barely-there purple bikini top and says that it's amazing how cruel some people can be. Distracted, and not by the breasts, A.C. says, "Yeah. It bothers me more and more." You need to move to a landlocked state. He mopes that the marlin should be out in the ocean and not over some dude's fireplace. "Maybe someday the fish will get their revenge," Alien Girl tells him. He brightens up. "I dunno. I think rednecks make pretty ugly trophies." They look even worse in big glass bottles. She says her name is Nadia. Naughtya? She says she heard that A.C.'s pretty amazing underwater. He says that he's free to go diving tomorrow if she likes. She insists they do something tonight. She stares at him and her voice goes all weird. "Let's get out of here," she whispers roughly. At least we think she's whispering since we can't see her mouth. A.C., who is either hypnotized or failing to act, says, "Great idea." He says they can go for a swim. "Must have read my mind," Nadia says.

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