House
Autopsy

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Crossing The Line
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

The "play" button is pressed on a pink CD player, and Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" comes on. A bald girl sings along to it as she puts on her wig; this scene would have been really annoying and over-the-top schmaltzy if the girl doing the singing along hadn't done it so perfectly imperfect. She sounds just like I do when I sing along to stuff in my car. Except that I'm not singing along to Christina Aguilera. Ever. Except for the occasional "Dirrty" when I'm on my way to a party or something. And maybe "Genie in a Bottle" if it comes on at the right time in the right place. In case you didn't figure out that the girl is bald from cancer, she then goes to the medicine cabinet of what appears to be her own private bathroom (lucky! Oh, well, I guess not really) and takes out a bunch of pills. Mom pops her head in to nag the girl to take all her meds, even though the girl is doing it as she speaks, so chill out, Mom. Girl injects her knee with a syringe filled with what I'm guessing is cancer medicine. And then stuff starts going wrong. The walls cave in, pills fall all over the place, tiles fly off the wall and shatter on the floor, Christina Aguilera becomes the poster girl for clean, moral living, pipes burst, and the mirror shatters at the girl's touch. Of course, this is all actually happening in her mind, as we cut to the normal bathroom, where everything is fine, except the mirror and the girl's hand, which are still cracked and bleeding, respectively. Christina Aguilera strikes again!

We hear House sneeze before we see him get off the elevator. He's on his way home sick, but Wilson needs his help. Just thirty minutes of his time. Although we all know it's going to be an hour, which is actually forty-two minutes with commercials. But anyway, House makes the most unattractive about-to-sneeze face I've ever seen, and that includes the unfortunate girl in my eleventh-grade class whose school picture was taken just before she sneezed, and the height of her about-to-sneeze face was committed to film and immortalized in hundreds of yearbooks. The urge to sneeze passes, and Wilson recommends Benadryl. House says that he's already taken a thousand milligrams of it, which is probably ten times to recommended dose, knowing House. Wilson's next suggestion is a steam room, and it's nice of them to get the homoerotic scene of the episode out of the way quickly so that we can focus on other things. Wilson says he's got a nine-year-old with alveolar rhabdomyosarcoma, and that it's terminal, which Wilson thinks should "trump" House's stuffy nose. House disagrees. Wilson adds that the girl is hallucinating, but that no cancer has been detected in her brain. If House can help her, he'll give her another year to live, which is a lot for a nine-year-old girl, even if it is just a drop in the bucket to a cranky middle-aged guy on a cane. House is on the case, but not because he cares about the girl.

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