House
Autopsy

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Crossing The Line

Foreman's got an idea that would explain Andie's symptoms and hasn't been tested for yet: neurosyphilis. "There's no way," Chase says immediately. Andie's only nine. Foreman says she's been around a lot of adults in her young life, like doctors and cancer-camp counselors. Maybe she was raped. By a guy with syphilis. And then the syphilis managed to get into her spinal fluid and enter her brain. "Break out the rape kit!" House says. Chase insists that Andie has never had sex, and House asks him what makes him so sure. Chase has to admit that Andie asked him to kiss her because she'd never kissed a boy before. Cameron shoots Chase a look that is either jealousy or pity; I can't tell. House says that just proves that there's something wrong: nine year-olds don't think about sex when they're being threaded with catheters. Chase says that Andie isn't a normal nine-year-old: she's dying of cancer, and that tends to mature you somewhat. "Cancer doesn't make you special," House says. But molestation does. Chase says that if Andie's never kissed a boy, then she's probably never had sex, either. House points out that hookers are always refusing to kiss him on the mouth, which is probably more of a comment on House than it is on the hookers, and Cameron shoots him a look that is either disgusted disbelief or disgusted belief. It's definitely disgusted, anyway. House says that victims of molestation have been known to get really good at manipulating people, and then stares at Chase. "You did it, didn't you?" House asks. Cameron's looks of disgust spins right over to Chase, who stammers that "it wasn't sick"; it was "one kiss for a dying girl," just "one small kiss before she dies." And at that point, Foreman and Cameron have both walked as far away from Chase as they can get, which is really funny. "Thank you. Thanks," Chase says of their lack of support. House says that this is why Chase doesn't get to touch his markers, and sends Cameron off to do a rape kit. Cameron obliges House while trying to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter. This almost makes coming into work worth it for House.

So now long-suffering Andie gets a rape kit, as performed by Cameron, the immunologist. You'd think they'd want to send a specially-trained person to do a rape kit on a nine-year-old, and, really, that they wouldn't do a rape kit on a nine-year-old AT ALL unless it was absolutely necessary. Proving House's implausible theory does not exactly qualify. Fortunately, Andie doesn't mind at all. As Cameron works on the business end of Andie's reproductive system, Andie says that she likes her hair. Cameron looks up at Andie, expecting to hear her say that she's afraid she'll die without ever getting the chance to kiss a girl. But no -- Andie just likes Cameron's Season 2 curls. The rape kit shows that Andie is still as pure as the driven snow.

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House

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