Enterprise
Awakening (2)

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Welcome To Planet Crack Whore

T'Pau takes T'Ma to task for bringing T'Pol to them. T'Ma wants her daughter released but T'Pau won't do it until they can corroborate their story. T'Pau doesn't trust T'Pol because she's working for Starfleet and Starfleet is allied with the High Command. T'Pau says that if the Chuckling Vulcan is dead then everything they've worked for is lost.

Enterprise. "Ah cain't beleeve they threw yew owt!" Trip drawls in anger as he makes himself right to home stalking around the captain's Ready Room. Soval stands there and calmly says he knew the risks. Trip wants him to fight the dismissal, but Soval denies such a thing can be done. Soval says they have other more important things to deal with, and reveals that Dub'ya plans to wipe out all the Syrrannites hiding in the Geordi. Trip reminds us, even though we JUST saw them there, that Quantum and T'Pol are also in the Geordi. Soval turns away from Quantum's Weight of the World Window to intone, "They may be in grave danger." Maybe it's the WOTWW window that makes all gazers incurably stupid and doomed to repeat the freakin' obvious. It's probably something in the cleaning fluid -- they should really get Method. Oh, my, but do I love that stuff! I went on a spree at the Geary store and got candles and sprays and dryer sheets and bathroom wipes (they're for sinks, sicko!) and I've never been so excited about cleaning in my life! My little sister thinks I'm completely nuts, but I just adore my pink grapefruit all-purpose cleaner so much that it makes me want to clean every day. Plus, it's good for the environment and it's cheap! In fact, I think I'll go clean the bathroom right now. What? You're saying I have to finish this first? Fine. No, that's fine, just keep me from enjoying life and take away all my fun. I'll get over it. Maybe I'll even buy some Method laundry detergent as a reward for getting through this episode. Yeah, yeah! Ooh, I'm excited now!

The Geordi. T'Pol is escorted to T'Ma, where they have a little mother-daughter chat. T'Pol can't understand why her mother would take up with such a group of freaks. T'Ma defends herself and says that the Vulcan High Command has a lot to answer for in recent years. She cites the suppression of dissidents and the listening post at P'Jem as being two of the most egregious acts. So, the Syrrannites are sort of like an Al-Gooda? T'Ma didn't tell her daughter this on her last and matrimonial visit because she wanted to keep T'Pol safe from the High Command, who was just starting to hunt the dissidents down. And she just wanted to marry her off so she could have Trip all to her matronly self. "I know your marriage to Frank Lloyd Vulcan was for my sake -- to help me regain my post," T'Ma says. "I don't want your apologies, Mother," T'Pol says. Dude, I would! Hey, Mom? Yeah, you ruined my life by making me marry that cold fish of a creepy Vulcan who touches my chin at odd moments, when all I wanted to do was go on a palm tree-filled honeymoon with my hot Southern lovah and smoke crack to my heart's content. Damn you! T'Pol wants her mother to come back with her. T'Ma can't do that. She hoped T'Pol would see their side of things and join them. "It's possible I was being foolish," T'Ma admits. "Extremely," T'Pol agrees.

Quantum paces in his cavern. Does wardrobe keep a "sweat-stained" desert uniform shirt around for episodes such as these? Or do they just allow Bakula to work himself into a lather while wearing one? Maybe he's just a really sweaty guy. I'm just wondering how real the perspiration is -- I don't think of sweaty Bakula at all. Ever. Nope. There's a flash, and we get thrown into a color scheme that was once the Sepia Tones of Cpt. Quantum's Childhood, not to be confused with the Almost But Not Quite Sepia Tones Of Bygone Days, but is now the Sepia Crap of SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA. Quantum spins around in the Sepia Crap and looks at the pillars and caverns. He sees explosions in the distance. I was almost afraid that Daniels was going to show up and start pissing me off, but no, instead I get SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA being all wise and shit and telling Quantum about Vulcan history. SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA has transported Quantum back to a time known as "The Awakening," which was about eighteen hundred years ago. SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA informs Quantum that he is indeed the Chosen One or the Emissary or the Second Coming or the Messiah or whatever, despite his antipathy toward Vulcans. "My people have strayed and someone must restore them to The Path," SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA says. I can't believe this. I just can't believe this. Someone needs to yank this shit out of Quantum, who is as unworthy a vessel as ever there was. "You got the wrong man," Quantum says, and for once I agree with him. "Sorry, Captain, there's an Earth expression: we're stuck with each other," SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA says. "Don't fight what's been given to you. Open your mind and your heart and The Way will become clear." I'm assuming it's "The Way" and not "the way," because whenever there's a way in these things it's always "The Way" and "The Path." So, can we expect that Quantum will start drooling hysterically and seeing SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA in a Hawaiian shirt? No? Pity.

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Enterprise

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