Beg, Barter, Steal

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 2 USERS: A+
Yo-Ho-Ho And A Bottle Of Dumb

Elsewhere, Andrew and Ryan O. have a plan, and that plan is to build the shelter as a lean-to against a shale wall. This won't require as much building, they figure, and it takes advantage of their surroundings a little better than just plunking the shelter down in the sand. They find some bamboo posts and start setting them against the wall. As they build, Osten manages to pull a big piece of the wall down by just poking it with a stick, and while you and I might file that under "bad omen," Morgan decides not to worry about it. After all, who cares about the wall? What's the worst thing that can happen, death by crushing? Structurally unsound, schmucturally unsound.

The Pirate Map shifts us over from the island marked "Morgan" to the island marked "Drake." Ryan S. should be very jealous, because Drake's arrival at their island is marked by hooting and happiness. They hop off the boat and scurry up the shore. In fact, they even huddle with their hands together and give a football-style cheer. As the shelter-building begins, it becomes clear that Shawn and Burton -- their naked chests blazing and their buffs tied moron-style around their heads -- have decided that they're going to run the place. Shawn tells us that this happened because he and Burton have "a little more strong personalities" and are "a little more physical, you know...uh, mentally, as well." Putting aside the importance of being comprehensible if you're going to bother praising your own intellect, I have to Shawn saying he and Burton have stronger personalities than, say, Rupert? Yeah. Okay, there, beefcake. Christa and Rupert start fetching bamboo for the shelter as well as other wood for the fire. Trish thinks it all went swimmingly, and she was surprised at how well everyone worked together. The Drake shelter takes shape fairly quickly, and is built in the increasingly popular style of a bamboo platform lifted up off the ground and covered by a canopy. Burton instructs Christa to go off and fetch "bigger firewood." She interviews that she was extremely tired. "I just wanted to breathe for a second," she complains in her horrifying nasal voice.

In one of those moments that seems small, but is probably going to seriously haunt the people involved, Burton cracks open a coconut, and shares the coconut milk with Shawn and Michelle. As Sandra explains, he shared nothing with anyone else. Now, a coconut doesn't necessarily have enough juice in it to feed eight people, so it's not like he could have shared with everyone. The point, I think, is that if you're not going to have enough for everyone, you have to acknowledge that that's what you're doing, and come up with something moderately diplomatic to say. You can't just share with your buff friend and the girl you've decided you want to sleep with and expect that no one will notice. Because Sandra? Notices everything. Even worse, Shawn makes a great show of going, "Ahhh, refreshing!" when he finishes it. Wow, very bad form. A montage of Shawn and Burton's bossiness follows, and Trish cautions in an interview that the boys have already alienated half the tribe, so they might not want to push their luck. Shawn continues to display his rather weak people skills, too, as we watch him talk to the heavily-bearded Rupert about how funny it is to watch people with beards eat, because of how the beard catches everything. It's the kind of thing you can say to people who like you, but you can't say to people who hate you, because it will make them hate you more. Burton points and laughs. Yeah, they'll be paying for that. Rupert interviews that the boys are a pain in the ass, and that they're just "going to make everybody hate them." I'm well on my way already.

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