Survivor
Beg, Barter, Steal

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Yo-Ho-Ho And A Bottle Of Dumb

On the water walk, Lill complains that, in her troop, they always talk about keeping your uniform nice-looking, so she's a little sad about looking so decrepit in uniform. Hey, she's a pretty lucky lady as far as the clothes she's got with her, so I'd zip it if I were her. She who has foundation garments should be the last to complain. Ryan interviews that he and Lill have sort of become friends, partly because the other girls (Nicole, Tijuana, and Darrah) aren't exactly welcoming to her. The two of them are very happy to come across the well. They collect a small amount of water and leave.

Over at Drake, Michelle is doing a little massage therapy on a guy I'm going to say is Burton, though I could be wrong. Christa is...I don't know, picking nits off Jon's back or something, which will at least make everyone less hungry. Rupert? Well, he's laid out on the platform of the shelter and snoring like a freight train. Excellent. Burton is feeling bored, so he grabs the spear gun and says he's going to go out and grab a fish. He explains that his Best Bud Shawn went with him for the fishing expedition. ["Presumably so that they could hold hands underwater where no one could see." -- Wing Chun] Burton manages to snag a fish with the spear, which makes him feel extremely manly. They triumphantly bring this lone fish back to camp, swaggering like they've just bested a buffalo in a fistfight, and the tribe starts out to cook it over the fire. It occurs to Rupert, however, that this one fish is not exactly going to make eight people feel full. He grabs the spear and heads back out into the water, where he immediately starts pulling in fish as well. He gets one, and then another one, and then another one. He explains that his original plan was to get eight fish -- one per person -- and while he didn't hit that goal, he came pretty close. "I was thrilled," he says. "I had never seen a saltwater catfish! I didn't know they made such a [sic] animal!" As Rupert continues fishing, Burton snots that Rupert's "going to hurt himself," which is easier than admitting that fish are plentiful enough that catching one has turned out to be about as much of an accomplishment around this camp as scratching your ass. Similarly, Shawn explains in his interview that although Rupert did a great job, he was exhausted and "it took him hours to recover from that." I fear that the creaking weight of Shawn's desperate need to disparage Rupert's work is going to give Shawn a slipped disc if he isn't careful. Furthermore, considering that life on Survivor isn't exactly a hubbub of constant activity, I think taking a couple of hours to recover from fetching lunch for your entire tribe really isn't all that bad of a trade-off. The women, meanwhile, are sad to see that Rupert has, among other things, burnt himself to a lobster-like crisp. He explains to us that although he's set a pretty punishing pace for himself, it's been his plan from the beginning to be "the caretaker" and to make people believe that he's indispensable to their survival. He thinks it's working.

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Survivor

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