Beg, Barter, Steal

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 2 USERS: A+
Yo-Ho-Ho And A Bottle Of Dumb

The next member of the Drake tribe is Burton, a studly "marketing executive" who has embraced business casual for this trip, and will be reasonably happy with his choice of khakis and a blue button-down. He will be less happy with his decision to have Jack Scalia's Dallas hair transported here from 1987. Morgan next welcomes Tijuana, whom Osten admiringly describes as a "Nubian princess." She's undoubtedly the happiest about getting her tennis shoes, since her heels are about seven inches high. Also, she apparently pronounces her name much as you might pronounce a name spelled "Tawana," so at least you can try to forget what her real name is, and we can probably avoid unnecessary Herb Alpert jokes. Next to head for Drake is Michelle, who is a student and apparently the designated "bookish girl," because she's wearing glasses with her halter top. Ryan O. is Morgan's next member. He's (so very surprisingly) young and beautiful as well. Blond, shaggy-locked Jon goes to Drake next, and he offers an interview snippet in which he rather disgustingly says that he calls himself "Johnny Fairplay," because he doesn't play fair. So it's, like, ironic. You know, I have a Twilight Zone-style theory that every time you say something that lame, somewhere in the world, someone genuinely clever dies. ["If you liked Gabe from a couple of seasons ago but wished he was a bigger douchebag, Jon is the Survivor for you." -- Wing Chun] Peachy next informs Morgan that they will be "very happy" to see that they are getting the Big Boobs Girl of the season, also known as Nicole. Nicole starts her Survivor experience by (1) neglecting to give her bag of personal items to Peachy; (2) going to the wrong tribe until she is redirected; and (3) neglecting to give her bag of personal items to Peachy one more time before he finally gets her attention and gets it from her. Her tribe looks like they're not sure whether they're really "very happy" about getting this non-brain-surgeon on their squad. The last member of Drake is Sandra, who takes her place without putting up an attention-getting fuss of any kind, so I have no idea how she got through the audition process. This leaves only Andrew, perched on a ledge in his devil-may-care attorney fashion, kicking his legs playfully. He's the last member of Morgan. Just a word of advice for Andrew: it's hard for an attorney to be convincingly whimsical. Believe me. It's the best reason not to wear your gaucho hat to depositions.

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