Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 2 USERS: B
Off With the Hardy Boys' Heads!

In his bathroom, Mr. Shoemaker rifles through his medicine cabinet, pops a few pills in his mouth, and then takes a minute to look at himself in the mirror. He moves, in horror, closer to the mirror, touching his face where dark veins have suddenly appeared on his right cheek.Cut back to the Tiny Bitch Gang, drinking iced tea and giggling and talking about boys. I think they're maybe older than I originally thought, but I can't really tell. A oldish-looking teenager comes in, and greets the little "geeks." Tiny Bitch #2, Lily, smarts back that her sister was out past curfew, which gets a sarcastic "thanks, Dad" back from big sis. She walks upstairs. Cut to the upstairs hallway, where the older sister's attention is caught by something, but it is nearly impossible to tell what due to the tremendously low lighting. She slowly approaches a door, the camera staying on her increasingly frightened face, reaches out to push the door in, and we pan down to see -- I guess? -- a really huge puddle of bubbly-looking blood. Jamie Lee Curtis screams all around.

Shot of Jared from above, asleep and bathed in blue light. Shot of deadfriend Jessica pinned Pre-Raphaelite-ly to the ceiling, mouth breathing quite loudly. Cut back to peaceful Sam, whose face twitches when a drop of blood falls on his forehead. His eyes shoot open and he claws around in the bed, yelling, "Noooo!" while Jessica breathes something that I honestly can't decipher, and captioning refuses to tell me. "My fancy"? "My Sammy"?

Cut to a shot of Sam's head thrust back over the back of a car seat; he's still screaming, but Dean is shaking him and telling him to wake up. Pan out to see them both sitting in the Metallicar in broad daylight, in front of what looks like an old courthouse or hospital or institution like the one in Rain Man. Heh. Rain Man. Which one of them is Tom Cruise and which Dustin Hoffman in that scenario? Sam hypothesizes aloud that he was having a nightmare. Good work, Sipowicz. Dean tells him that "sooner or later we're going to have to talk about this." Or not, we'll find. Sam pulls out a newspaper with the Shoemaker obituary circled and says, "So what do you think really happened to this guy?" Starting in early on the "brain"-storming this episode, I guess. Dean says that's what they're there to find out, and they get out of the car.

Inside, the brothers head to the morgue. They walk skeptically, as they often do, and we see Dean note the nameplate displayed on an empty desk, "Dr. D. Feiklowicz," before coming upon the morgue receptionist. And I guess the temp agencies doesn't usually send its perky blondes to work the morgue front desk, because we've got a big, burly, biker-looking dude here. Dean bluffs that they're "the med students" and asks if "Dr. Fickllelvitch?" didn't tell the guy they were coming to see the Shoemaker corpse "for [their] paper." He natters on about being from Ohio State. Biker Man in Scrubs is unhelpful, saying the doctor is at lunch. Dean smarms, "Well, you can show it to us, right?" but strikes out again when Biker Man in Scrubs tells them they can wait an hour for the doctor to return. Dean sucks his breath in: "Oooh, an hour? We gotta be heading back to Columbus," which is the worst bluff in the history of bluffs. Can't wait an hour? Dean tries to pal up to the guy, confiding that the paper is "worth half our grade." Since when did OSU turn into a branch of Hollywood Upstairs Medical College? Biker Man in Scrubs is now officially annoyed and snaps at Dean, "Look, man, no," causing Dean to turn to Sam and mutter under his breath that he wants to punch the guy in the face. Sam steps in front of Dean, takes out his wallet, counts out like five twenty-dollar bills, and tosses them on the desk to Biker Man in Scrubs's satisfaction. Are you kidding me? That's all it takes to bribe someone these days? A hundo? Or maybe this guy would've caved for a Kellogg's Cereal Fun Pack. Lord knows I would have. Before following BMiS into the morgue, Dean whines to Sam, "Dude, I earned that money," to which Sam incredulously replies, "You won it in a poker game!"

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