Glee
Britney 2.0

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It's Still Brittany, Bitch

The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. Boring New Rachel has traded in her Dire Headband for a Grievous Barrette, but that's not the worst thing in this shot. No, the worst thing in this shot would be the absolutely deplorable "I LOVE MY MOM" sign she's got hot-glued to her locker's interior. Exactly why am I supposed to find this twee little simp an acceptable replacement for Rachel Berry? I mean, sure, Idiot Rachel often irritates the living piss out of me, but Idiot Rachel was never -- never -- this abjectly pathetic.

ANY-way, I'm rambling when I should be wrapping this inane little subplot up, so long story short, Boring New Puck rolls up to ask Boring New Rachel and Her Grievous Barrette if he can sit next to them during choir practice, as he doesn't really know anyone else. Boring New Rachel and Her Grievous Barrette are all, "Of course! Absolutely! We're not pathetically needy at all!" Until, naturally, New Quinn swings by to make it very clear she and New Puck are A Thing. She doesn't specify what sort of Thing they are, just that said Thing exists, and that she and New Puck are It, and I haven't a clue what the hell I'm talking about anymore because OH, MY GOD, THESE PEOPLE ARE SO DULL, so I'm gonna skip ahead to...

...the music room, where Boring New Rachel and Her Grievous Barrette announce they'd like to perform "one last Britney song." "Did it come out this morning?" Artie loudly wonders. "'Cause we scraped the bottom of that Britney barrel." Preach! Alas, Boring New Rachel and Her Grievous Barrette prove Artie wrong by settling themselves on a stool in front of good ol' Tinkles over there at the baby grand and launching themselves into their rendition of "Everytime." And it's gentle and sweet, of course, but let's face it: Boring New Rachel is no Old Rachel. Not by a long shot. Boring New Rachel's thin little voice is perfectly adequate for Other Britney's brand of disposable Top 40 trash, but can you imagine her conquering anything from The Great American Songbook the way Old Rachel used to do on a regular basis? It's never going to happen. Which depresses me, because it's making me think the decision to cast this voice of hers in the first place is indicative of the direction they intend to take the music on this show from here on out, and I don't think I can deal with episode after episode devoted to karaoke renditions of forgettable crap from whichever boyband the 12-year-olds are screaming about nowadays. Sigh.

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