Britney 2.0

Episode Report Card
admin: A- | Grade It Now!
It's Still Brittany, Bitch

...The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High, where poor little Brit-Brit's just now arriving at Miss Pillsbury's office for some apparently much-needed guidance, as super-dejected Brittany is currently sporting the following ensemble, which she plucked from the school's lost and found: An ill-fitting pair of man jeans, a lavender t-shirt that reads "Word's Best Grandma," and a pair of orange Crocs. Ew. Mr. Schue, who's joined Miss Pillsbury for this intervention, expresses his concern for Brittany's well-being, but Brit-Brit insists she's fine, especially now that she's started dipping into Lord Tubbington's stash of feline depression pills. Mr. Schue observes that Brittany might have "underestimated the impact being held back has had" on her, and he suggests she meet daily with Miss Pillsbury for the foreseeable future, but Brit-Brit begs off, as she's been quite busy as of late after school, scarfing down cashews and bacon while enjoying the Lifetime Movie Network's frequent Client List marathons. With that, Brittany floats from the office, narrating her progress down the hallway out loud as she goes. Once she's disappeared, Will and Emma bang their heads together for a bit in search of a cure for Brit-Brit's woes until Emma decides, "We need to bring Brittany back."

Cut to the music room, where a typically over-exuberant Mr. Schue bounds in to announce that The Maharishi has invited New Directions to perform at McKinley's annual back-to-school pep rally. New Rachel and Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name I Can't Be Bothered To Look Up seem particularly enthused to receive this news, but because she's still wearing that godawful newsboy cap, and because he's just fucking disgusting, I'll be ignoring them both for as long as I possibly can in favor of following along as Mr. Schue scrawls the following episode-title-friendly Musical Theme Of The Week upon the whiteboard: "Britney 2.0." "Oh, my God!" Single-T Tina squeals. "Are we doing Britney Week again?" Obviously, you dumbass. Mr. Schue wisely blows past Single-T Tina's idiotic question to pepper Our Brittany -- who's been stuffing her somewhat greasy sans fard face with off-brand Oreos, by the way -- with an encouraging Other Britney-related pep-talk I'll not be bothering to transcribe, after which he reveals that Dreamboat Blaine and Artie have already prepared a little duet to kick off the general festivities.

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