Survivor
Burly Girls, Bowheads, Young Studs And The Old Bunch

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Goodbye, Dolly

Twila joins Eliza, Julie, and Lisa on Yasur's finish platform while Agent Brady stands alone on Lopevi's platform, looking increasingly pissy. John K. and Chad both go in the water, and I'm sorry, but it's over now. It's not just four people to one; Lopevi has twenty-one swaps left to complete, while Yasur has six. While getting back into position on the beam, Chad faceplants and almost falls clear off again, but catches the beam with his hands. Must be tricky to walk on a slippery balance beam with an artificial leg in a wet shoe. Remind me never to try that. Jeff winces, but Chad pulls himself back up. Inspirationally, of course. #4 Ami is almost to the end, but Jeff sends her back to the start when she touches Dolly and Mia at the same time. It looks like she's going to try to go back the way she came, until everyone tells her just to jump off and swim back to the beginning. John K. manages to get past Chad this time, and Eliza hocks a ladylike loogie into the ocean just as Ami's climbing out to start over. Travis drops John K again as Ami reaches the finish. "Five women! One man!" Jeff announces. "One foregone conclusion!" I add. Leann's past Dolly, the Johns are back in their clinch, and then Dolly's past Mia, who's now by herself on the beam. Mia does a little dance onto the platform and celebrates with her victorious team while the seven guys scowl unhappily on the beam where they've been stranded. Jeff sends Yasur back to camp with their new bedding, and Lopevi heads back empty-handed, their hoped-for flint still stowed safely in Jeff's pocket. Looks like that morale boost Chris called for is on back-order.

Your favorite brand of potato chip that comes in a tennis-ball can brings you this "Moment in Survivor history:" Rob and Amber! I thought, you know, two human beings are not really a "moment," but then I realized that actually, those two probably are. Carry on, tennis-ball-can potato chips.

The members of the Lopevi tribe get back to camp as someone asks them to imagine Sarge getting past Travis on that narrow little beam. Which is kind of an entertaining image. When I did this with my team, we discovered that each move was easier when the smaller person squatted way down so the larger person could step over them. Believe it or not, it actually worked and nobody got sued for sexual harassment. Which is not at all certain in this case. Anyway, Rory's pissed off about "Twila's" little victory dance. Someone points out that that wasn't Twila. "Well, whatever her name was," Rory says. "It was a game. We lost," Sarge points out, but Rory bitches about Yasur: "Just show some class." Like getting people's names wrong. See, that's classy. Sarge points out that Lopevi probably would have done the same thing had they won, but Rory disagrees, angrily and forcefully. Rory must not watch much NFL football. He demands of Sarge, "Would you have taken it if it was a man? No!" Sarge points out that he's simply humble in defeat, but Rory insists that the women should have "showed some class." Like he's doing right now. Sarge shrugs and says, "Okay," because there's really not anything to be gained from trying to win the argument, and it's not like giving in is going to put him in the position of having to do anything about it. JP looks unhappy; Mom and Dad are fighting. Rory storms off and stands on the shore by himself all Ahab while Sarge complains about his behavior. Most people seem to be in agreement with Sarge. As am I.

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Survivor

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