Smallville

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My Super-Boring Ex-Boyfriend

Metropolis, night. Lord stands on the street, checking his passport. A man in a long coat grabs him from behind, pressing a gun to his side. "Sorry, Max, there's a change of itinerary." He shoves Lord into a waiting limo. He lands face-down with a grunt. As he looks up, he sees the shapely legs of a woman sitting opposite him. She has on red patent stilettos and a matching red outfit. Her face is in the shadows. "So it's true," Lord says. "The Red Queen does exist." He stares dully at her.

Kent farm. Clark is working on farm equipment in the barn when Chloe strolls in. "I guess the upside of unemployment is you don't have to pick out a tie every morning." Clark pouts so Chloe guesses he's beating himself up. "Which me?" Clark snarks. "The Blur that Lois would die to protect or the boyfriend that Lois is protecting him from?" Chloe tries to give him a pep talk and commends him for being as honest with Lois as he could. Eh. "I guess if half of me has Lois's trust and the other half gets the rest of her, it all works out in some weird way." Chloe tells him what he should already know himself: "One of those halves has to say goodbye." She tells him she traced the fake Blur to RAO Industries. "It was Zod," she says, in case Clark and we didn't get the connection. Clark stops working on the tractor, hurt that Zod lied to him about being besties. Chloe tells him before he can confront Zod, he has to take care of something else first. Yeah, because Callum Blue isn't in this episode. "Until you can tell Lois that you are the one and only Blur," Chloe says, "anyone with a voice modulator and a calling plan can pretend to be you." Clark sighs: "I know what I have to do." Start wearing a mask? Nah, that'd be too easy!

Somewhere on the nighttime streets of the city, Lois is just stepping into a phone booth as the phone begins to ring. She answers and smiles to hear the Blur's voice. He thanks her for coming. "Well, when the Blur leaves a hand-written message, you better believe I'm there." I bet he wrote it in crayon on the inside of a Snickers wrapper. Lois is curious as to why he wanted to talk to her there instead of by cell. Clark, standing on a rooftop overlooking the phone booth, says, "I wanted to have this conversation in a place that meant something to both of us." Lois accepts that and starts looking forward to her next mission. Clark breaks it to her that there won't be one. "I'm sorry, this is our last conversation." Lois doesn't quite get the finality of that, so Clark emphasizes that things are over... forever. Lois doesn't want to believe it. "Our relationship puts you at risk," Clark says. Lois insists she doesn't care about the risk because of all the good she gets to do with him. "This is the most important part of my life," she pleads. Clark looks sad. "There must be some other part that means more to you," he says hopefully. He looks like a sad old basset hound that got passed by at the pound. She just pleads her case again instead of waxing poetic about him, the real him. Clark tells her he won't call again. "This is the only way I can protect you," he says. This would have so much more emotional resonance if the show had made this seem true. I mean, Chloe knows the truth, and she doesn't get kidnapped or tortured more than Lois does. Plus, being in the know, she has the ability to get in touch with Clark or summon some other heroes. Lois is still in danger from anyone who wants to use her as Blur-bait, but she has no way of reaching out to him when that happens. Stupid. Clark tells her not to believe anyone who calls her after this claiming to be him. He promises to watch over her, then says his goodbyes and hangs up. Lois looks numb.

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Smallville

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