Lair Of The Sylvester. As the lady of the office scribbles away in her journal, Sue's voiceover exults, "My lust for life is renewed! I have found myself dropped behind enemy lines, poised to destroy the glee club from within!" Oh, like you didn't see that one coming. Indeed, Sue's voiceover confirms that Will and "his guidance counselor Ginger" played right into her hands by falling for her fake suicide attempt, and she is now in position to "pit the Glee Clubbers against one another, rupturing the group internally until it explodes like a ripe zit." This should go as well as her last nineteen nefarious plots to do away with the glee club, shouldn't it?
In any event, Sue sets her latest plan in motion by consulting -- independent of each other, of course -- both Mercedes and "Rochelle" on the fundamental nature of The Diva. Or something like that. Each young lady has her own opinion on the subject, naturally, with Mercedes counseling Sue to take what amounts to an Aretha approach to the whole thing while Rachel opts for a more Streisand-esque solution for Sue's supposed problem, but the real point of the quickly intercut scenes involved is this: Sue claims each young lady bagged on the other's abilities as a performer, so Mercedes and Rachel immediately fly off their respective handles and confront each other in the hall. The camera spins dizzily around them as they get all up in each others' stuff to exchange increasingly heated accusations, with Mercedes eventually announcing, "There's only one 'I' in 'Diva,' Rachel, and that 'I' is me!" "Guess we're just gonna have to settle this the old-fashioned way," Mercedes sneers. "Diva-off!" Rachel sneers right back at her. "Tomorrow," Mercedes confirms, "glee club." "Why not right now?" Rachel challenges, all head-bops and sass. "Because I have to get my cross-trainers," Mercedes replies. "Wanna know why?" she taunts. "I'm gonna be doin' some runs!" At that, the temporarily warring children split to disappear off opposite sides of the screen, and the camera quickly zooms in on a silently watchful Sue at the far end of the hall to linger on her triumphant smirk for a moment before cutting away to the next commercial break.
Music Room. Finn puts some awkward moves on Quinn, who gently rebuffs them, but that's not important right now because what is important right now is the fact that The New And Improved Justin Bieber Experience has arrived to dazzle everyone with their very first Bieb-tabulous performance as a quartet. Each of the gents involved, by the way, has lovingly teased his luxurious locks forward across his brow with the exception of Puck, who's got a miniature Bieber-fringe merkin stapled to the front of his hood. Yes, it is as ludicrous as it sounds, but every single Glee Gal present again seems utterly smitten nevertheless. And with little further ado, the boys hurl themselves into their version of this hot mess, and I really have nothing to say about this particular performance -- which, incidentally, begins in the music room before magically transporting itself over to the McKinley High auditorium -- because I'm pretty sure I got the point the first two times around.