Survivor
Cook Islands Reunion

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Remember When Everyone Wasn't Dumb That One Time?

Jeff starts on the "updates," also known as "Say one thing and shut up, you early-exiting loser." J.P. reports that he's been approached by the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. And boy, if that doesn't just figure. ["Of course, since it's Janice, that could just mean that she was drunk at Nobu and fell on him." -- Wing Chun] J.P. even gives Dickinson's show a little plug, and I'm sure the Oxygen Network appreciated that. Cristina took some crap from the other cops about being on the show, but they liked seeing her wrestle. Cecelia insists that even her short stay was transforming. Flicka spazzes out and tells us that she loves her style, and that she's "working it." She's received "nothing but love." Be quiet, Flicka. "Billy," says Jeff, "I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the obvious: that Candice is now available." Oh, SNAP, Jeff Probst. On both of them, really. Billy does his best to tread water -- never justify! -- explaining that he pretty much was in a weird situation, and was looking for something to be happy about, and haven't we all accidentally acted like we'd found love with someone we haven't actually had any conversations with?

Now, we have reached the part of the show where the victory is slightly diluted. It's time to give away a 2008 Mercury Mariner to the person who played "the cleverest game." This vote, too, was close and came down to Yul and Ozzy. This time, however, Ozzy took the car. So at least he got something, which is nice. ["Sure. He can drive it over to his parents' house and SWIM IN THEIR POOL. Jerk." -- Wing Chun] Yul seems genuinely happy about losing the car. Of course, he can buy several Mercury Mariners, or he can buy something better, because cash is nicer than a car chosen for you by someone else, even if it is the viewing public.

We come back, and Jeff shows us a preview for the upcoming season, which will take place in Fiji while there's a coup going on there. Seriously. Jeff doesn't say this, but it is true. In other news, one tribe will be in luxury, and one will have nothing. There will be a "diverse cast," and the contestants will have to dodge "deadly sea snakes" on Exile Island, and there will be two hidden idols. Also, a very controversial decision by someone will cause fighting, so that will be new. Jeff wraps up, explaining that Yul will be on The Early Show the next day to get his giant check, and that you can always pick up some swag to raise money for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. In other words: same rat-infested time, same rat-infested channel. See you in Fiji.

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Survivor

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