Cook Islands Reunion

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Remember When Everyone Wasn't Dumb That One Time?

Now, Jeff wants to talk about Jonathan, who was "equally memorable" for being a cancerous snake rat. We relive some beloved clips, including "wandering Jew without a tribe," as well as my favorite, which is the eternal battle of "complete bastard" versus "complete bastard." Jeff starts off the interview by saying that there's an ongoing discussion among people he talks to, so he wants to know -- is Jonathan a villain? "No," Jonathan says. "I think I was antagonistic to other people, and obviously I rubbed them the wrong way. But it was a game." This is where you see that this is a rant he has been sitting on for some time. I'll bet there have been several drafts. "You can't have a villain in a game," he says with disgust. "There's no villain in Monopoly." And I'm completely not doing it justice, because the way he says it is so dismissive, like, "there's no VILL-ain in Mon-OP-oly, you ASSHOLE." It's just that the end is silent. Jonathan goes on: "We're all playing the game. There's no villain in a poker tournament. So I was playing to win a million bucks. We all were. I was just a lot more overt about it, and I think I wore my agenda on my sleeve." Nice. I'm totally adopting "there's no villain in Monopoly" and using it as my very own. The comparisons to poker, of course, already are my own, in that great minds think alike. Or at least minds that hate moralistic tribal council questions. Jeff asks Jonathan about watching the thing at home with his family in light of the beating that he took with regard to his character. Jonathan says he warned everybody that he was going to be called nasty names. And look! There's the family, out in the audience. Frankly, they all look like rats to me, especially the adorable children. Rats! Jonathan explains that he talked to his kids about the fact that they don't call people names in their family, even if people call them names first. In other words, Jonathan told his young children, "You don't have to be as immature as Adam and Candice." He adds that the name-calling was also in the context of the game, and that it's not like he thinks Adam and Candice would call him a cancer rat at the supermarket. I am not so sure. Asked whether the show changed him at all in ways other than the substantial chunk of weight that he lost (which may be a little misleading if what Yul has said is true and Jonathan wisely put on a lot of weight to go on the show), Jonathan says that he's more "appreciative" of his life at home. He gets a nice hand for this, which he deserves. It never makes sense to me when people say that being on a reality show made them appreciate their families more, but it's said often enough that I feel obligated to assign it a certain level of validity.

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