Lana's party. She's outside, looking sad and lonely. Lex comes out to see how she's doing. The music sucks, so maybe that's why she's outside. Lex sympathizes. He says he spent eighteen years of Luthor Christmas parties hiding in the cloak room. Those years don't seem to add up. He was twenty-two and still in the closet? I don't think so. Lana says she's waiting for reinforcements. "I know Clark. He'll be here," Lex says. Lana doesn't look convinced. "It's just a birthday," she says. Notice how they never say how old she is. This scene is stale one-layer cake.
Kent house. MamaKent and Bo Duke want to know what happened. Clark explains it all, including that Pete has a migraine and that Cellulita is on her way to Metropolis General hospital. MamaKent says she's sorry about the party. Clark is bummed. "I can't believe I let her down," he says. What time is it? Wouldn't the party still be going on? Book your superass over there, man! Bo Duke offers lame-ass platitudes about making choices and how sometimes you have to make sacrifices. "Like Lana?" Clark asks. MamaKent agrees, saying sometimes yes. Clark is not destined to do it all for the nookie. He gets up suddenly. Bo Duke asks where he's going. "I don't have to sacrifice everything," he says. This scene? A big Pepperidge Farm cheese log.
Lex in his office. He's opening a letter from a Dr. Vargas in Metropolis. Incidentally, the zip code for Metropolis starts with "666." And the doctor is on "Alma Street." "Alma" is Spanish for "soul." Lex reads the letter and doesn't seem surprised. He crumples it up. This scene was a tiny cheese and cracker appetizer.
Hamilton's lair. Lex walks in. "Back for more rocks?" Hamilton asks. Lex says he has a clean bill of health. And then, much like he did in his encounter with the wayward reporter, Lex puts the screws to this guy. Turns out Hamilton got kicked out of the university for getting a little too close to a student. "I wonder if the Smallville police have you registered," Lex asks. Suddenly, Hamilton looks interested. "Get out," Hamilton says. Lex hands him an envelope. "I don't believe in the past. I believe in the power to reinvent yourself," Lex tells him. Lex says he believes in vindication. In the envelope: a check for $100,000. "What you're looking for…could take years," Hamilton says. Lex leans in: "I'm a patient man." Hamilton asks why a billionaire's son is so interested in some rocks from the sky. "I save that story for the people I trust," Lex says. Clark? Are your ears burning? This scene was a thick, juicy burger with lots of ketchup.
Lana's house. Clark lamely tries to hit her window with some pebbles without knocking the damn structure down. Lana answers, but not before Enrique Iglesias sings in his little tiny quavering voice about asking a girl to dance. "Kinda missed cocktail hour," Lana says. Clark apologizes. "I told you I stopped believing in happy birthdays a long time ago," she says. Clark says he knows he blew it, but wants to give her a present. "When?" she asks. Clark smiles. "Now." In spite of herself, Lana smiles. Pure taffy.