Episode Report Card
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Constant Craving

Outside, Clark is walking along with the show's theme song in his head when he superhears a cry for help. He walks toward the boiler room as foreboding music plays. He uses his X-ray vision and sees two skeletal figures inside struggling for supreme control of the anatomy class skeleton stand. He rushes inside at blur speed, kicking open the door as he goes. He stops and does this hilarious look-see pause at the middle of the stairs, like he thinks he's Secret Agent Man. He passes by some ominous-looking yellow pipes. Someone (Cellulita) turns a wheel, and steam suddenly shoots out at Clark. I thought she was hungry, not homicidal. Clark just reaches out nonchalantly and twists the thin pipe so it's facing up. Somewhere, Lex just got an itch. Clark is suddenly grabbed by the shoulder from behind. He throws the hand off and then gets a good look. It's MeanDustin. Only he's been sucked of all fat and now he's…TOM PETTY! "Help…me…" he moans. And then he starts singing "Free Fallin'." Clark looks grossed out. We go to commercial. This scene was a SlimFast shake.

A mailbox on a country road. "Hamilton," a mailbox reads. A fireworks-looking stand reads "Meteor rocks $5." A sleek black car pulls down the road and into the driveway. The plates say "LX LTHR." Lex, in a gray shirt and black blazer, gets out of the car and spies a decrepit barn. He goes inside, and it's a dark maze of anatomy charts, test tubes, and kryptonite rocks. Lex reaches out to touch one and hears a loud, "Ah! Don't touch that! They're sterile and you're not me." Sterility has never stopped Lex before. We see only the third black character ever on Smallville (the first two being Pete and the friend-date he had a few episodes back who got no lines), and it's Joe Morton! Good old Joe Morton, from T2 and countless other movies. Love for Joe Morton. Lex apologizes and calls him "Dr. Hamilton." "Ugh," Hamilton says, "you don't have a website, do you?" He explains that the people who try to track him down are "freaks with Web sites." I can't imagine what he means. Lex introduces himself and offers to shake hands with Hamilton, who has cool little mini-dreads sticking out of his head like he's Björk. Hamilton calls Lex "the billionaire's son" and says that most mineralogists don't have fans. Lex says that most mineralogists didn't handle the first Apollo moon rocks. Oh, Joe Morton's not that old, is he? Hamilton tries to look busy while Lex talks. He says that they have something in common: They were both kicked out of Metropolis University. Lex tells Hamilton that he thinks a medical condition he has is attributable to the meteors. Lex offers to fund some research and gives Hamilton his best lazy/sexy eyes. "My funding is private and so is my research," Hamilton says, laughing it all off. Lex says the money comes from tourists. "If you are so interested in meteorites, here, take one," Hamilton says, handing Lex a kryptonite rock. Hamilton is almost as cool and charismatic as Lex. Hamilton says he's not for sale. Lex says he's available if Hamilton changes his mind. I foresee future greatness between these two. This scene is a Philly cheese steak.

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