Damned If You Do

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
Lord, Have Mercy!

Wow, cool credits. Seriously.

A shot of a Bible and a crucifix in the foreground dissolves into Elizabeth Mitchell's frightened face. Man, that is one bad wig. Her two sisters keep a vigil by her, one on each side.

Cuddy's office. She's ripping House a new one, since she thinks the only reason Elizabeth Mitchell could have had that cardiac event is if House gave her an overdose of epinephrine. Incidentally, I haven't seen Cuddy in a long time, but given that the last time I saw her she was breaking up Ben and Felicity, she might want to tone down the attitude here. House denies that he screwed up, but Cuddy gives him twenty-four hours to figure out what's wrong with Elizabeth Mitchell, or she's going to have to notify their attorneys. She might want to convert hours to Vicodins, just so there's no confusion. House glares at her, exaggeratedly looks at his watch, and leaves.

In the hallway, House and the Martins limpeconference. House latches on to a kind of vasculitis called Churg-Strauss disease as the culprit. They enter a room, and House stares incredulously at some candy canes and asks what the hell they are. Upon hearing that they're...well, candy canes, he asks, "Candy canes? Are you mocking me?" He lets Cameron sputter and babble about Christmas for a few seconds before admitting that he's kidding. Heh. Foreman jumps on the Cuddy bandwagon, pushing the idea that House screwed up with the epinephrine. House denies that again, and tells them to start the sister on prednisone. Given the look on Chase's face when he hears the word "sister," they missed a chance to play the scared rabbit's heartbeat again. Chase Aussies: "I hate nuns." House: "Who doesn't?" He leaves, and Foreman gives his best "I HATE HOUSE" look. If you missed it, don't worry -- just like the tea, it'll be back. Also, I'd point out that House prescribed prednisone for Miss Radfafa in the pilot, and that didn't work out all that hot, at least temporarily.

Cut to a music video featuring scantily-clad beachgoers. The Nun Who Cried Stigmata stares incredulously. The Martins enter, and TNWCS flips off the TV and says she thought the remote was the bed control. Hee. Cameron, guileless as ever, shows her where the bed control is and introduces the team. Elizabeth Mitchell says she hasn't seen television in over twenty years, which is a subtle indication of the revelation later about her not always being in the convent. ["Yes! 'Convent'! Even though through the whole episode, they kept saying 'monastery.'" -- Wing Chun] Chase: "Do you consider it the work of the devil, or do you just not get cable where you live?" Elizabeth Mitchell doesn't know what to say to that. Cameron just stares at Chase, perhaps wondering when House made him his Chief Lieutenant of Snark. Elizabeth Mitchell asks whether House knows what's wrong with her. Cameron tells her he doesn't yet, since it's only the first ten minutes and there's all sorts of agony in store for her still, but she'll have a Chest CT Scan that afternoon that will help with the diagnosis. TNWCS: "Dr. House is giving her medication and he doesn't know what she has yet?" TNWCS can be forgiven for never having seen the show, with the TV-less convent and all. Elizabeth Mitchell assures her that it's all happening for a reason. She might be less sanguine if she knew that reason was ratings.

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