Dead Man Talking

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
Do you shiv or swallow?

Yay! It's time for the O'Reily boys! Finally, an inmate I actually care about. Ryan brings Cyril his lunch on death row, and exposits that a new lawyer has been hired to try and overturn his death sentence. And if the sight of Ryan wasn't enough to warm the, uh, cockles of your heart, here comes Keller as well, acting like his usual jaunty self. The Favorite Character Reunion Hour then reaches a climax with the death row arrival of Timmy Kirk, who gets escorted to his new home across the hall from Jaz Hoyt. Jaz calls him a "cocksucker," which makes me giggle, and then Ryan and Keller stand by and giggle while Timmy explains that he's Satan incarnate, and thus immortal. Oh, you shouldn't have said that, Timmy. Now you'll probably be dead before the third episode.

To once again hammer home the eternal dichotomy between good and evil, we now cut to Sister Pete and Father Mukada, who is just returning to active duty after the fire Kirk arranged last season. Sister Pete warmly welcomes him, and then reveals that Kirk is back in Oz, and has requested an audience with the good Father. Mukada refuses to even consider such an idea, even though anyone who's ever watched this show even once in their lives knows that the next scene will be him going to visit death row.

And yep, there he is. Mukada looks nervous as he walks up to Timmy's cell, and his anxiety probably isn't helped when Keller loudly announces that there's a "holy ghost on deck." We also get a brief moment with Cyril and the velvety vocal stylings of his pal Jericho, but that particular storyline won't matter for another few minutes. Mukada steps up to Timmy's cell, and Kirk quickly tries to claim that he's been possessed by Satan and needs an exorcism. Mukada announces that he can see right through Timmy's act, and that he has no desire to help the guy set up an insanity defense for his next appeal. He storms off down the hallway, but a deep-voiced plea from "Satan" stops him in his tracks. "You can walk away," breathes Kirk, "but I'm not like Reverend Cloutier. I won't just disappear. Also, your mother sucks cocks in Hell. And I can smell your cunt."

Back in his office, Mukada rants to Sister Pete about the nature of evil. For the like nine trillionth time in the two dozen or so episodes of this show I've seen, she gives him a "buck up little camper" speech about the all-redeeming power of God's love. I fast-forward just far enough to get to the part where Mukada's boss, a monsignor from the diocese, comes by to have a little chat with him. Sister Pete departs, and the monsignor gets right to the point. It seems Timmy has sent a letter to the local cardinal, claiming that Mukada sexually abused him. And of course, in these "dicey times" we live in, the Church can't afford to have any more scandals, so Mukada is being placed on suspension until an investigation is completed. Oh, please. Even though I know this is Oz, this suspension is the one thing I just can't suspend my disbelief for. You'd think in such "dicey times," the Church would be thrilled to have so obvious a false allegation to parade before the world. The guy is on death row for the murder of (at least) two priests, for Christ's sake. Sigh. Whatever.

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