Dire Straits And Dead Weight

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Bye Bye, Billy

And then Billy wants to speak to us again. He tells Jeff that in all honesty, he doesn't even care. "My prize isn't even a million dollars," he says. "My prize is I fell in love in this game." Jeff's eyes pop open. I think he wonders at first whether maybe Billy is going to say that he fell in love with the Cook Islands, or with dehydration, or with Jeff himself -- something that Jeff thinks would make some sense. "Love at first sight," Billy continues. J.P. makes a "the fuck?" face. "Her name is Candice," Billy continues. Jeff jumps forward in his seat. I have watched maybe 150 tribal councils, and I've never seen Jeff anywhere near this surprised. Next to Billy, Cristina is holding her composure, but she's looking conspiratorially at Jeff, like she's trying not to laugh. And then Cristina and Cecilia simultaneously burst out laughing. "Candice from Raro tribe," Jeff clarifies, thinking that maybe Billy is thinking of someone on his own tribe and has the wrong name. Because that would at least be someone he's...met. "After the last challenge," Billy explains, "we sort of mouthed the words 'I love you' to one another." Jeff leans forward with a grin on his face and his hand over his mouth, like he cannot believe he is getting this lucky. I guess I can stop writing for the reunion show, he thinks to himself. "So that is my prize. And my prize was her." J.P., humorless and mean to the core, is acting like what Billy is saying is merely stupid, when the human reaction is to find it either deeply sad or stupendously and darkly awesome. "I've never heard anything that surprised me more than what you just said," Jeff says. "And I want to be respectful, because I don't know what happened, but...what would she base feeling the same way you feel...on?" That is a tortured sentence, and that preposition is all "Don't leave me out here!", but it's not like Jeff isn't basically correct. "I think it's just, you know, love at first sight. I think it's just a rapport thing." "So you're absolutely sincere right now," Jeff says, kind of wishing he could believe Billy was bullshitting, at least a little. "I'm dead serious," says Billy.

Jeff turns to Ozzy. "Have you noticed anything between Candice and Billy?" he asks. Ozzy laughs indulgently (big of him) and says that he hasn't noticed anything, but of course, he wasn't looking. Asked for his opinion of Bildice, J.P. says, "Look, I'm sorry, but from the beginning, he was sketchy. Just shady." What does that have to do with the question? WHAT OF BILDICE? J.P. says a lot of nothing when "I don't know what he's talking about" would have sufficed. Jeff asks Cristina whether it's all just a little unreal. "I think anything's possible in life," she says gently. "But I feel very leery for Billy." Jeff calls Cristina out on having some kind of "soft spot" for the big guy. "I just don't want him to get hurt," she says, instantly focusing on the one thing about this that is sort of significant on a human level, assuming he's not full of shit. "I just hate when people get taken advantage of," she says. "I just am not into the dishonesty and the backstabbing. I just really...taking care of him, that's just looking out for his best interests." That was a weirdly muddled answer combining topics that have nothing to do with each other. I think she's spent too much time around people who write up reports using the word "indicated" instead of "said."

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