Do No Harm

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!
The anvil of life

And man, GOOD THING she insisted they write their own vows, much to Jack's distress, because otherwise how would they have ever had anything as original as her "in sickness and in health" stuff that she's reciting now at their wedding, being held outside in the cheap showiness of nature. "I risk it all, because I love you," she says, like maybe she's a compulsive gambler or something, and the minister thanks her, then tells Jack it's his turn, and Jack hesitates for about five hours, prompting a "Jack?" from the minister, and then Jack says, "I didn't write any vows," and all I can say is stand back from the Chernobyl-scale meltdown about to occur from the bride, because having recently gotten married myself, I know that when your wife-to-be asks you to do something, you do it and damn quick or risk grave bodily injury to yourself, and I can't even imagine getting up there and saying, "I didn't write any vows," if only because I couldn't imagine inviting family and friends to our wedding only to have them witness my slow and painful death on a church altar instead. And Sarah has this look of horror on her face, because she thinks what all the viewers are thinking, i.e. that Jack is about to ditch her, as he blathers on about all the trouble he had writing his vows, and wondering why that was, and figuring it's because he has trouble letting go. Then he says that maybe it's because he was scared of what would happen if he failed. "But I know one thing: I would never have been able to write anything as beautiful as what you just said," like NICE COPOUT, no-vow boy, and then he tells her that when she was talking about her accident last night, she got it all wrong: "I didn't fix you. You fixed me," and then I think he tells her he loves her and he always will, or something, but I missed it because I was throwing up all over the place. They hug and smooch, and the audience applauds.

Cut back to Jack steeling himself for the chop-chop, when Boone starts raspily talking about how messed up he is inside. "This is our best chance," says Jack, who might want to focus on some positive aspects, like Boone earning a cool nickname like "Stumpy." "There's no chance," says Boone. "Look where we are." Jack says he won't let Boone give up. "I know you made a promise," says Boone. "I'm letting you off the hook." And now we're recycling Rose's dialogue. "Let me go, Jack." Again with the agony, torture, inner conflict, and hopefully Jack will realize this is NOT ABOUT HIM. He finally apologizes to Boone, who tells him not to sweat it.

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