East Meets West

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East Meets West

Patch Abbott's office. Patch is greeted by his nurse, Louise, who hands him his coffee. Patch asks what the hell that music is in the background. His nurse says, "Isn't it nice? It's Chinese." She's clearly taken with Linda's "exotic" "Asian" "ways." The music actually sounds like "The Zen Garden Companion, Vol. 24." Order now, and receive a free miniature rake! Patch wants to know what the "other noise" is: "Sounds like a toilet running!" Linda comes out of her office. She bids "Harry" good morning. Patch tells her that he hopes she's devoting as much time to her patients as she is redoing her office. Oh, yes! Rinda take care of patients! Rinda soothe them with Pier 1 fountain and sandalwood incense! Rinda thinking of having double eyelid surgery to be more -- how you say? -- authentic! Patch opens the door to her office. It looks like Pearl River exploded in there. Rinda says she wanted to tell him that she practices Chinese medicine now, with an emphasis on acupuncture and herbal remedies. Patch has a stroke. He tells her that she used to be a real doctor, and that she's lost her damn mind. They fight over an incense stick. Rinda say she find other way to heal; Chinese medicine no reduce patient to glorified machine! She says she went to China a few years ago for "a case," and their traditional medicine was the only thing that worked, so now she's all about it. We get it, Rinda. You like Asian way! Patch says, "This isn't Bangkok, this is Everwood!" He says that people here aren't going to go for alternative medicine. Rinda beg to differ. As Patch tells her nobody will visit her, Rinda welcomes in her first patient. She show you, round-eye American devil!

Brown House. Madison and Delia are cooking dinner. Ephram looks in the fridge, and wants to know where his pizza is. Madison says she threw it away. Ephram brats, "I wanted that!" Madison says it looked terrible, and that eating pizza all the time isn't good for their health. They're snapping beans. Shut up, Madison. Ephram slams cabinet doors around. Delia asks, "What is wrong with you?" Ephram grunts, "Nothin'." Madison tells him he'll feel better after he eats something. Ephram says he can cook his own self. Delia: "Only in the microwave." Rock, Delia. Ephram says he has a paper to write, anyway. Madison offers to help, and says that when she was a freshman, starting high school was a really big adjustment. Ephram says he's a junior, OKAY? Madison acts all innocent, like she doesn't know that she just continues to insult the hell out of him. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't say every single line in such a patronizing tone, but alas, she does, and it's infuriating. Ephram starts to walk out, and Madison tells him to help Delia set the table. Okay, this is right about when I'd lose my mind on Madison, and Ephram does the honors for me. He tells her to quit talking to him like she's his babysitter. Madison says that she was hired to take care of "things" when Treat was gone. Ephram reminds her that Delia is Madison's job, not him. He ups the ante by telling her that he's ordering a pizza: "Call me when it gets here." Heh. Delia tells Madison, "Welcome to my world." Madison looks stunned, but she totally isn't, because she's evil to the core.

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