East Meets West

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East Meets West

Abbott House. Patch practices his speech on his family. His entire family pays more attention to their food than they do him, and Rose mumbles, "Very nice, Harold." Patch doesn't notice; he drones on and on about his speech. He says it needs a little more polish, something more quotable, blah blah. I love you, Patch Abbott, but I'm sick of your damn speech. Amy and Bright roll their eyes. Rose changes the subject to Amy. She says she ran into Tommy Hilfiger's mom at the market. "You never told me you two were going out." Amy says she hasn't told Tommy whether she'll go yet. Rose says she should, that he's a very nice young man. Bright totally does the Loser Cough (Bring It On! Woo!), except he says, "Bonehead." I love Bright. Rose asks what's wrong with Rick Wolzak. Bright: "Rick Ball Sack." Hee. Bright says that the conversation is pointless, because Amy isn't going to go out with him anyway. Amy takes this as a challenge, and says that as a matter of fact, she WILL accept that date, and she'll call him right now! That's the way, Amy. Subject yourself to a night of Frat Boy Fun and The Sideburns That Ate Colorado, just to spite your brother.

Brown House of Fired Babysitters and Remorseful Brothers. Ephram explains to Delia how awesome the ramen noodles he cooked for her dinner are, because they're al dente. Delia hates him. Treat walks in and asks where Madison is. Delia says sadly, "Ephram fired her." Treat asks why, and Ephram says it was for the best. Treat: "Delia, will you excuse us for a minute?" Delia: "Are you going to yell at Ephram?" Heh. Treat says he might. That's good enough for Delia, and she leaves. Treat eyes Ephram, who tells his dad that Madison turned "ten kinds of crazy," telling him what to do and whatnot. Treat says that it took forever to find her, and that he's running this ship, goddamnit. Ephram again suggests Nina as a babysitter. Treat fucks up and tells Ephram that Nina is going through a divorce and doesn't have time to keep Delia all the time. And also? Even if she weren't? She still doesn't, Ephram. Girls aren't here to keep your children. But, I mean, we could totally have babies if you wanted. Treat tells Ephram that he's hiring her back, because Delia loves Madison, and that he's going to apologize. Commercial.

Office of Abbott. Patch walks in all crazy-necked, like he has a crick. Rinda tells him that she wants to apologize for trying to take over his office, then interrupts herself: "Why are you all cockeyed?" Patch tells her not to change the subject, but if she must know, he was up late working on his speech and fell asleep at the table. Rinda says she'll make Patch a deal: if she can fix his neck with her wacky foreign ways, he has to leave her alone, and she gets to keep her water fountain. If not, she'll leave, no hard feelings. Works for Patch. Works for me. But when do we get to see her rip off the wig?

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