Episode Report Card
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Because he is now an instantly transformed family man (which means he's in for it), Roam tells Sydney from Melrose that he can't meet with the mayor for his possible endorsement because he promised to go home and play basketball with his son. In other news, Adam has traded in his parents for immature dolts who like long walks on the beach and absolute fucking career suicide. The Velocity Of Darlene Smith (Not Her Real Name) sits in PornDaddy's office. She tells him that she's given the whole "porn lasts forever" congressional filibuster from last week some serious thought, but that she still wants someone to make her oven hot for a living. Poor Ron Silver looks like he's on the verge of mad sleep. But he's talented enough to make it look like forgetting Darlene's name is a character choice, rather than breaking and yelling "line!," which is what it seems like he wants to do. So PornDaddy instructs the again-present Johnny Wong to take Darlene down to the set the next day, and then she can decide whether she really wants the job after that. Dude. Rent Boogie Nights. It's a totally accurate portrayal of the ins and outs (as it were) of the industry. And you'll never get "Sister Christian" out of your head again! Okay, good call. Skip Boogie Nights. And now, a purely mathematical approach to any troubled domestic relationship. Crunch the numbers today! (Father + Son) + One Game Of Basketball = Best Friends 4Eva Roams young and old dribble the ol' pigskin (whatever, I don't know) around the driveway, calling out jaunty taunts of the "This is so easy!" and the "I may be an old man but I can still kick your ass!" variety. But, oops! Adam suggests that they should get a camera to capture what a "dork" his father is, and Roam brainstorms that the campaign commercial he's just by coincidence shooting next week should take place with the family playing basketball, rather than sitting on the couch. Adam feels like he's being used for just another photo op. Adam gets mad and rides off on his Huffy Bike, leaving Roam alone on the court to mutter "dammit." Maybe he should tell his son he's totally been banging some hot chick who used to be on Melrose Place. That's why I would say if I wanted to score some points. Adam chats across town with Jewel-iet The Time-Life Operator. Nice headset, Customer Service. Adam complains that he's nothing more than a photo op to his father. Jew-liet complains that her parents are making her go to some extremely well-timed plot contrivance something something. Adam says he doesn't want to be in the ad. Jew-liet tells him to do it. But why? "Don't not do it because of me," she tells him. "I don't want to be the reason you hate your dad." Adam promises that he has plenty of other reasons. Like that he's short. And mean. And on a crappy TV show.

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