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Just Kill Him, Already

We open with the saddest protest ever: sixteen people gathered outside San Quentin, protesting an execution. "Torture Chronic, Don't Just Execute Him," one says. Maybe they're not protesting the execution, after all. "The Punishment for Murder is DEATH" another one says. Huh. It tells us that it's March 9, 2003, at 7:33 PM, so we've almost gone baaaaack in tiiiiime!

Inside San Quentin, we quickly get the run-down while McPointy's getting frisked. He's been flown in from L.A. because the man about to be executed has specifically requested him. He's got a confession to make. McPointy and the curly-haired Official Guy (he's the one in a suit instead of a uniform, making his job title that much harder to figure out) debate the finer points of capital punishment, arguing whether a murderer can have a change of heart and "go good" right before the end. McPointy says that this confession had better lead to someone's arrest. Official Curly Guy reminds us all that the guy says he has information he'll only tell to McPointy, and hopefully it'll solve some unsolved cases. "In four hours and twenty minutes, he'll be dead," he says. "Not soon enough," McPointy mumbles.

Deep in the hole, on the other side of a door marked "NO EXIT," McPointy is led into the gas chamber. "This is the gas chamber," McPointy notes. "Yeah," Curly replies. Thanks, y'all. Curly gives us a little more moral righteousness, trying not to lift too much from a recent episode of Oz, saying that the condemned has a choice: gas or lethal injection. "Some choice," McPointy says. Curly shows the three chemicals that are injected into the chamber. McPointy asks how long it takes to die. "Under ten minutes, if they're lucky," Curly answers. There will be a test on this later. No, not really. I know we pay attention to things early in the episode because supposedly they'll play a part later in the "twists" and "unexpected endings" and the "storytelling," but not here. Enter horrible dialogue exchange here: "It looks like they're prepping for an operation." "No, David. An execution." McPointy confesses that he's never been to San Quentin before. "Once they're sentenced, I wash my hands," he says. "Must be nice," Curly spits. Hey, your opinions are on my side of the television. Get off my side!

For no reason other than to introduce the special guest star "Three Phones That Won't Ring," Curly asks whether all three phones have been checked. A guard announces that the three phones are direct lines to the governor, and the attorney general. But...there are three phones. Is the third Domino's? "Good," Curly says.

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