Supernatural

Episode Report Card
admin: F | 5 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Family Matters

"And it never occurred to you that there might be something off about that?" Dreary El Deano rages. And you never noticed that Sam never slept, moron? Openly Evil Sammy politely apologizes for not sharing that particular bit of information with his spectacularly inobservant and unimaginably stupid brother before My Sweet Baboo finally -- finally -- understands what's going on and asks Openly Evil Sammy, "What are feeling right now?" "I feel like my nose is broken," Openly Evil Sammy duhs. "That's a physical sensation," Castiel dismissively notes. "What do you feel?" "I don't know," Openly Evil Sammy shrugs. Castiel shoots Dreary El Deano A Look, then whips off his Vessel's belt and shoves it into Openly Evil Sammy's mouth, telling the latter to bite down on the leather, for what's about to transpire will be neither pleasant nor soothing.

And with that, My Sweet Baboo rolls up his sleeve and shoves his fist into Openly Evil Sammy's remarkably healthy torso. "Kinky!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, and knock it off, Raoul -- it's boring as all hell, and you know it, and besides, didn't we already watch all of this crap last week during the promo? "Well!" shrieks Raoul again, placing a delicately affronted yet perfectly manicured paw against his chest. "You'll excuse me for attempting to inject just a teensy bit of amusement into this entirely dreadful sequence, I'm sure!" Oh, I'm sorry -- it's just that tonight's installment is so incredibly dull, and we're not even three minutes into the damn thing at this point. "Your apology has been deemed acceptable!" "Deemed acceptable," Raoul? Who the hell died and made you queen? "Actually...!" Raoul begins, and don't you dare answer that one, my scaly friend. The last thing I need to find out right now is that you're some kind of actual, honest-to-God, goddamned lizard royalty. "Hee! [A-him!] 'My lords, pray be seated!' I've always wanted to say that!" Oh, for God's sake, will you be quiet for just five goddamned seconds so I can wrap this nonsense up already? "Oh, I do apologize, I'm sure! Please continue!" Good.

Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: Openly Evil Sammy doesn't have a soul. Which we already knew because of last week's promo. God, is this fucking episode over yet?

Tinkle, Tinkle RAAAWWWR! Guess not, since we've just hit the achingly awful Season Six title card. Have you anything to add at this juncture, Raou...oh, never mind -- he's over there atop his overstuffed armchair practicing his princess wave. "Hellooooooooo!"

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Supernatural

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