Everwood
Fear Itself

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Crazy On A Ship Of Fools

Nina's House of Real Sad Marriages. Nina is outside, thinking about how she can tell Carl to shut up. He walks outside. Nina asks, "What does she look like? Is she pretty? Is she young?" Shutup Carl tells her not to do this. He says it was the worst mistake he ever made, but it's over, and he wants to be a family again. Nina basically tells him to shove it up his ass, especially since he always thought he was so much better than Everwood. She finishes, "It wasn't Everwood. It was me who wasn't enough for you." Shutup Carl tells her that's not true. Nina totally contradicts herself by saying, "You're damn right it's not." She says that life is about growing up, and Carl never did. She says he failed her as a husband, Sam as a father, and himself as a person. Shutup Carl tries to pretend he's being sincere, and agrees with her. He says the only thing good about his life is Nina, and that he never stopped loving her, and to give him one more chance. Say it with me, now: SHUT UP, CARL. Nina, unfortunately, looks like she might be buying his bullshit. She starts to cry, and gives him a sad face.

Cut to Ephram, who has not only gotten himself stuck in the reeds, but is trying to clean them out of the prop with his fingers. With the ENGINE on. Because he's SO, SO DUMB. He fights with a big chunk of grass wrapped around the propellor, but it's too much for him. Ephram jerk hard. Ephram bump head on side of boat. Ephram fall in water! Boat speed away. Recapper laugh and laugh. Sad Piano of Aquatic Retardation plays as we go to commercial.

Inside the cabin, Treat's freaking out. He says they have to call the police, then gets mad at his phone because it's not getting service. Irv says that by the time they drive out far enough to get a signal, they'll have lost two hours. Treat says there has to be a boat somewhere. Irv wonders if Ephram is just trying to "stick it to" Treat. Treat says he doesn't think so, that Ephram is out there without food, and if he's wet he could be hypothermic. More medical blah blah about Ephram in danger, and we suddenly cut to Treat and Irv in a super-nice boat. That they apparently found just floating in the water somewhere. Irv drives, and Treat shines his flashlight into the water, yelling "EPHRAM!!!!" about every two seconds. Strummy Guitar Of Ephram In Peril plays. Treat shines his light on nothing for a very long time. He finally tells Irv that he sees something in the reeds near the shore. It's Ephram's boat. Ephram is floating in the water nearby. Treat shouts at the top of his lungs, "HOLD ON EPHRAM IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT!" Hee. Dude, he has on a life jacket. He's floating face up, and he's two feet away from you. Chill. Treat tells Irv to get the boat closer, because getting themselves stuck and decapitating Ephram with the prop is a GREAT idea. Treat says he's going in after Ephram, but Irv tells him he ain't going anywhere. He tells Treat to hold on to some rope, and jumps in the water. Noble and brave Irv! He swims over to Ephram, tells him everything is going to be fine, and signals for Treat to pull them in. Ephram has a nasty cut on his forehead, and he tells Irv he's cold. Ephram shakes around like a cute little wet hypothermic dog, and wishes he were on the couch having a cocktail, like the smart people are.

Abbott House. Amy and Patch banter around about movies as they get ready to go to the local Blockbuster. Amy says she can't stand to watch The Music Man again, and suggests XXX instead. I can get me into some Vin Diesel, is all I'm saying. Patch reminds Amy that she always did like "shipoopi." Heh. They laugh and bond some more, and it's kind of cute, until they open the door and who should be standing there but Koma Krazy Kolin. He asks to talk to Amy, and Patch says he'll go get the movies. Amy reminds Colin that he never wanted to see her again. Colin says he just didn't want her to see him anymore, "not like this, anyways." "Any-WAY," Colin. "WAY." God. Amy says she doesn't understand, and Colin tells her that he doesn't want her to have to go through what she did before. He says he doesn't know what's going to happen, and that he might get worse. He says he knows that Amy wouldn't leave if he asked her to stay, because she's too good of a person. Amy fesses, "Are you kidding me? I didn't go to that hospital every day because I thought you missed me; I went because I missed you. It's not like I'm doing you any favors." Amy says she knows she can be really overbearing, but, she says, "I stick." Nice one, Miss Martyr Queen 2003. Colin smiles at her, grateful, and puts his head on Amy's shoulder. Puke.

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Everwood

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