House
Fidelity

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admin: B- | Grade It Now!
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Low Fidelity

The Cottages hang out together in the lab, doing whatever tests will give them a positive diagnosis. Foreman grouses about House's "that's why I ride you" comment. He doesn't like the insinuation that Foreman only has good ideas because House is tough on him. Chase says that House actually said that Foreman's idea was lousy. Cameron just wants to go ahead and treat Elyce for rabbit fever without bothering to wait for the test results. Chase says that the rabbit fever treatment is too dangerous to administer without being sure, and that the African sleeping sickness medicine is even worse. Foreman asks why House doesn't treat Chase or Cameron the way House treats him. "He's got a crush on you!" Chase says. Chase is the voice of reason in this scene, that's for sure.

Wilson has perfectly timed his visits to House's office so that House's stories are just ending when he arrives. House asks Wilson for the juicy details on his new girlfriend, pointing out that Wilson is wearing fancy French shoes, obviously meant to impress someone. A professional someone. Does an infectious-disease doctor count as a professional? After further prying, Wilson admits that he had lunch with a new Oncology nurse, just to be nice. It wasn't a date. Cuddy enters with the big-boobed preschool teacher's test results. She remarks that she can't believe House and Wilson didn't jump on them the minute they came in, so interested were they in finding the source of the patient's shortness of breath. House accuses Cuddy of being jealous that another woman has their attention. That would be Cameron, wouldn't it? He takes a quick look at the test results and comes to a conclusion: "I was right."

House enters the exam room and informs Big Boobs that her husband snuck some of his blood pressure medicine into her breakfast oatmeal, figuring that they could share the low-sex-drive side effects. If he can't have her, no one can -- because she won't be in the mood. House prescribes that Big Boobs make her own breakfast in the future, or grab some condoms and go to a bar. What she's supposed to do then we can only guess, as House is suddenly struck with an idea and leaves.

House limps into the lab, where the Cottages report that the lab tests were inconclusive. House says that's okay, because he knows exactly what happened: Elyce has African sleeping sickness, transmitted through sex. Foreman says that's only possible if what you have sex with is a tsetse fly, which is an amusing mental image. House says there was a case in Portugal a few years back where a man caught sleeping sickness from his girlfriend, as reported in some Portuguese medical journal. At least, House hopes that's what it said. His Portuguese is a little rusty. Cameron says that the husband hasn't been to Africa either. "Your logic is bulletproof!" House snarks. Cameron says that ignoring the wet, hacking cough of rabbit fever is more likely than that either Ed or Elyce cheated on each other, based on her vast knowledge of them as individuals and as a couple gained from the twenty minutes she has spent with them. House orders Cameron to ask Elyce and Ed if they cheated, and then wisely reconsiders and assigns the wife to Chase and the husband to Foreman.

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House

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