Fire + Water

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Baptism by liar

A bruised and bloody Charlie sits on the beach, staring at the sea. Jack strolls up, and without saying a word, looks at Charlie's face. Charlie obligingly turns his head to make sure Jack gets a good look. "You need stitches," says Jack, and he starts wiping Charlie's cut. "I started the fire, Jack," says Charlie, rather unnecessarily. "I need to know you're never going to do anything like this again. Ever," says Jack, in that patented tough-talk of his. But at least he's talking to Charlie, who babbles on about how he knows what people think, but he didn't use. "I wanted to. I really wanted to. But I didn't." Jack says, "That's not what I asked, Charlie." Well, you probably should have, actually. Don't you think? But Charlie says it won't happen again. Not until sweeps, anyway.

Claire approaches Eko, who's going for a stroll in the Charlie fire-burn. "Charlie told me you were a priest," says Claire. Eko confirms this. Or at least continues to perpetuate the myth. "I did not tell Charlie to do what he did. I'm sorry if he misunderstood me," says Eko. Claire asks if he thinks the baby needs to be baptized. "Do you know what baptism is?" asks Eko. "It's what gets you into heaven," says Claire. Eko's looking at Claire's big blue eyes, like, some of us are already there, baby. But Eko launches into this story about the John the Baptist baptizing Jesus and the skies opening up and a dove flying down from the sky. "This told John something -- that he had cleansed this man of all his sins. That he had freed him. Heaven came much later." Oh, like there was ever any question Jesus was going to make it into Heaven. I'm sure Jesus was really sweating that one. Claire frets that she hasn't been baptized herself: "Does that mean that if you do it to Aaron and something happened to us that we wouldn't be together?" Not necessarily, Claire; you see, if Aaron turns out to be wicked, you could both go to hell together! Instead of pointing out that baptism isn't the golden ticket into the chocolate factory but the first of many steps on the long road of sin and guilt called the Catholic Highway, Eko just says, "Not if I baptize you both. And since you know nothing about baptism, you'll just have to trust me on the nudity."

We need a montage! Locke changes the combination on the gun vault. Didn't he just do that? He's kind of compulsive with that. Eko baptizes Aaron and Claire, so Charlie kind of got punched out for nothing, no? Hope you at least get the words right, "Father" Eko. And then Locke stores the Virgin Mary statues on a shelf in the gun vault. Locked up with the other dangerous stuff? When the tourists eventually start making their way to Craphole Island, he'll be ready with the tchotchkes.

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