Forsaken (1)

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
The Ross Is Off The Bloom

Talon locker. A newspaper clip reads, "Talon Theater Re-opens as Coffee Shop." Lana stares at the clip. "Wait, did I do that?" she thinks. Clark watches her as she's packing things into a canvas bag. Clark says she looks like she could use a garage sale. There's half-hearted patter about her moving halfway across the world. Not that Clark is bitter. Clark says instead that he thinks it's pretty brave. Lana is distracted, looking for something. She seeks her mom's bracelet. How much jewelry does she have to remember her mom? Was her mom's maiden name "Zales"? Clark tells Lana that he knows she's busy with everything, but would she like to have dinner with him tonight? Lana grimaces like he just asked if she'd like a pre-Paris pap smear. She doesn't think it's a good idea. "There's something I should have told you. I should have told you a long time ago," Clark says. Lana asks if everything's all right. He has Ass Cancer. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Lana. Clark says he hopes things will be fine. Lana reconsiders and says of course she'll have dinner with Clark. Who even cares at this point, honestly?

Papa Luthor is at the Institute for Keeping Cloned Children Entertained. He's showing someone photos on a computer of Creepy Crazy Little Girl when she was little and Crazy Alanis now, eleven months later. Boy, those sparkly eyes sure did deaden, didn't they? "She looks just like her mother," says her flabbergasted dad, played by my most favorite janitor Neil Flynn. I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't think we're going to be seeing much of Neil on this show after this episode. So I'm going to forego a cute nickname and just call him...Neil Flynn. Step back, give the man some room. Neil Flynn is all up in here! Where was I? Oh yeah: Neil marvels that the teen girl looks just like her mother. Gah! You married that sourpuss? Papa Luthor says he bets her mother couldn't walk through walls. No, but he thought she walked on water. Papa Luthor fills in the details of the night journey, and asks whether Neil has an explanation for that. Neil weaves some bullshit science about her molecules vibrating so fast until they could be absorbed by solid matter. Papa Luthor asks where Neil thinks she may be going. Neil says that, the last time she went to the home of her childhood friend, Lana Lang. Papa Luthor reminds us, the viewers, that last time that happened, Lana Lang ended up nearly drowning. I remember because we were all so happy. Neil gets defensive and says you can't blame Alanis for that attempted murder. He sputters that, however she looks, she still has the mind of a child. A murderous, creepy child. Papa Luthor says she's not a child, she's a failed experiment. "And a colossal liability!" Papa Luthor drawls. He opens his mouth sideways when he says "colossal." I may have bitched a lot this season, but at least they gave us lots of Papa Luthor, and for that I'm grateful. Papa Luthor wants to find the girl. He gives Neil two options. He'll send out a team to (we can guess) search and destroy, or he'll send Neil, alone. Neil opts for Neil.

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