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Wait -- What Airline Was That, Again?

Jesse ignores her completely to lay out Vocal Adrenaline's historic strategy as far as these competitions go: "Identify your best performer, and build the entire performance around them." Seems pretty solid to me, but I'm not one of the children in the cheap seats, several of whom appear to have qualms -- qualms that are in no way alleviated when Mr. Schue announces they'll be holding auditions for New Directions' "star performer" later in the episode, after he posts a sign-up sheet out on the bulletin board. Instead of, you know, asking for a show of hands, because I guess we need some hallway-sign-up-sheet drama during this episode. Finn of course whines that the proposed auditions don't fit in with the Glee Club's established ethos, or whatever, but he's quickly shouted down by the other kiddies -- Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen foremost amongst them -- and then it's time for the title card.

"I just don't know what you're so angry about!" Crazy Terri protests. We've slammed over to Sue's Lair, where the blinds are rather ominously drawn and Sue herself is on a rampage. "Honey Badger," Sue seethes, "I am lactating with rage!" Good one, Sue, and I've often felt the same way myself, oddly enough, but are we still doing that thing with those nicknames from a few episodes ago? Because I really can't bring myself to refer to you as "General Zod" anymore. Sue ignores me, as is her wont, and points out that Nationals are in one week, and that New Directions has already purchased airline tickets to New York -- airline tickets Sue specifically asked Terri to screw up. "I asked you to recruit an expert computer hacker," Sue continues while Terri gazes mutely back at her, looking as meek as is possible for someone as insane as Crazy Terri, "and you bring me this?" At that, the camera follows Sue's disgusted pointing finger to land on none other than Howard Bamboo, who whimpers, "Do I get a supervillain nickname?" "Your nickname is 'Panda Express,'" Sue instantly decides. "But I'm not Chinese," Howard Bamboo protests. "Neither is the food at Panda Express," Sue retorts, and: Ba-dum-bump! Sue Sylvester, ladies and gents! She'll be here all week!

In any event, Terri insists she's got things under control. Any official school itineraries must be processed through "the Lima Heights Travel Agency," so all they need do is contact the agency in question via The Maharishi's e-mail account -- "GettinFiggywithit," naturally -- and they can send the kiddies anywhere they want. The one problem, of course, is that no one knows The Maharishi's AOL password, for yes, gentle reader, The Maharishi's still using AOL Mail. "Principal Figgins is an idiot," Sue correctly points out before adding in a relevant aside, "something America's chock full of." "What is the most common password in America?" she rhetorically asks. Terri thinks real hard for a second, and eventually comes up with "1234." Of course, she's right, and Sue leans in over Howard Bamboo's shoulder -- the light from the monitor casting an especially ghoulish glow on her face -- to command, "Compose an e-mail requesting a flight that's routed through Tripoli." "Tripoli?" Crazy Terri squeaks. "Are we trying to have the Glee Club killed?" "Or kidnapped and killed," Sue shrugs. "Someone really woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," Crazy Terri guesses. "You have no idea," Sue replies, and unfortunately, the expression on her face is not quite as steely as one would hope it would be at this moment, for reasons we shall soon discover.

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