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What Would You Say?

Meanwhile, House is stuck on Clinic duty. His patient is a woman who's complaining of leg pain after walking a mile in high heels. I'll bet people don't go to clinics they actually have to pay for with complaints this trivial. House pays no attention to her, since he's busy drawing his own blood. As he does, he tells the patient that her foot pain is a blister from her shoes. The real problem here, he says, is her foul breath, the result of her bulimic puking. As I'm sure you can imagine, he's not very nice about it. In fact, he tells the woman that she looks cute that thin as Foreman grabs House away from the room. But don't worry, Bulimia Lady! When your condition causes heart failure, House will totally go to bat for you.

Outside, Foreman tells House that, after a full battery of neurological tests, Patrick seems fine. House hands the vial of his blood to a nurse and tells her to check its cholesterol and glucose levels. Foreman wants to know why House would do tests like that on a patient with a sore foot. House avoids the subject and says that they'll just have to do some different neurological tests on Patrick using "different equipment." Hmm...the last time they did that, we got some electrocution machine from the nineteenth century.

Fortunately, Patrick just gets a piano in his hospital room, apparently courtesy of the PPTH music room. You know, all hospitals have them, just in case you need to perform a tracheotomy with a flute. Although actually, if I remember correctly, the hospital I used to work at actually did have a random piano sitting in one of the little-used hallways. So I guess it happens. House introduces himself and has Patrick sit next to him at the piano. House plays the opening piano part of the Boomtown Rats's "I Don't Like Mondays," and I wonder if that song was written in the script or if Hugh Laurie suggested it. British people love Bob Geldof, better known in America as "that guy on Live Aid I don't recognize." Patrick plays the same section perfectly, much to House's delight. He even provides claps where necessary. I could watch that all day. But no, we can't, because spoilsport Dad interrupts to ask what this has to do with Patrick's medical problems. House isn't so clear on that, but continues with the test. He tells Patrick to close his eyes and guess the combination of notes he's playing. Patrick does this, and now Foreman wants to know what this has to do with anything. Maybe you should question your boss, like, outside, Foreman, and not in front of the patient and his family. Or, if your boss is House, don't question him at all. He's always right. House cryptically says that he won't be discharging Patrick yet. Then he thinks for a second before playing another song. Patrick soon takes over, continuing the song even after House has stopped playing. House looks amazed -- well, amazed for House, anyway. I am, too; I would have thought copying a song and composing an original one were two different things. When Patrick stops playing, House orders an MRI of Patrick's brain, saying, "I wanna see the music." Hasn't he done that before?

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