Episode Report Card
admin: C | 7 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Mock The World Turtle

With that, the entire situation has officially become too bizarre for Dashing El Deano and, heedlessly tossing caution to the wind despite Darling Sammy's frantically whispered pleas to the contrary, he rises to his feet and says, "All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up: Now, on any other given day, I'd be doing my damnedest to kill you -- you filthy, murdering chimps -- but hey, desperate times! So, even though I'd love nothing better than to slit your throats -- you dicks -- I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna help you ice The Devil, and then we can all get back to ganking each other like normal." He's not dead yet, so this crap must be working on them. "Impossible!! [Hic!]" Maybe not, friend of friends. "[Hic!]" "You want Lucifer?" Dean continues after boldly helping himself to a couple of fingers of bourbon at the open bar. "[Slurp!]" "Well, the dude's not in the Yellow Pages, but me and Sam? We can get him here." "How?" Kali challenges him. "First," Dean replies, easily sliding into negotiation mode, "you let those main courses go, then we talk." Kali pops an incredulous eyebrow. "We can either take on The Devil together," Dean brazenly concludes, "or you lame-ass bitches can eat me." Pause. "Literally." Heh.

And guess what? Dashing El Deano's daring gambit worked! "No!! [Slurp!]" It's true, friend of friends, for the next thing we know, Our Intrepid Hero's escorting the surviving Freezer Hors D'Oeuvres into the parking lot, where the wretched rescued scatter to their various crappy little Corollas and Accords and take off into the night, never to visit The Elysian Fields Hotel again. Once they're safely away, Dean turns to head back inside, but he jumps when someone calls out to him from the Impala's back seat. It's Gabriel, of course, who actually sent a lifelike duplicate of himself up to Kali's suite earlier in the evening on the off chance his plan would fail. Though, of course, now that I think about it, he might have been nothing more than an animated mannequin this entire time. Doesn't matter now, though, for the real Gabriel's out in the lot now, and he calls Dean over for a chat. Long, long story short, The Errant Archangel wants Dean to finagle his way into Kali's hotel room and swipe the blood vials himself, after which the boys plus the angel will flee, leaving the pagan gods to their fate. Dean, surprisingly, is outraged, and excoriates Gabriel for, um, being a cowardly wimp, or something like that, and they start blathering about their Daddy Issues, and I jam my fingers into my ears and start screaming, "LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!" over and over again until it all ends in bitter tears and angry recriminations, and then Dean goes back into the hotel.

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