Episode Report Card
admin: C | 7 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Mock The World Turtle

...follow Sam as he oh-so-casually trails Sinister Chet back towards the hotel offices. Of course, the second Sam lets Sinister Chet out of his sight is the second Sinister Chet vanishes into thin air, and Befuddled Sammy flounders about by the soda machine for a bit until...SNIK! Sam flinches as if he'd been stung and slaps a hand against his heretofore remarkably healthy neck. And when he draws that hand away to find his own blood staining his fingertips from the small, fresh slice near his manly jaw, he realizes strange things are afoot at The Elysian Fields Hotel. WE KNOW, SAM. GET ON WITH IT ALREADY.

Up on the second floor, Dean disembarks from the elevator and removes his trusty EMF reader from his inside jacket pocket to wave the thing around as he ambles down the hall. Intently focused as he is on the EMF's readout screen, he barely notices the...six-ton African elephant currently occupying one of the rooms! D'OH! Dean blinks and backtracks, only to find a rather rotund and nearly naked gentleman of color where the six-ton African elephant had been. The rather rotund and nearly naked gentleman of color furiously knots a towel around his waist while shouting, "This ain't no peep show, man!" before slamming his door in Dean's surprised face. "Then close your frigging door if you're gonna walk around naked, asshole!" Dean does not snap back, for he is too shocked to speak. Or something like that.

Elsewhere, the preternaturally self-possessed woman of South Asian descent from earlier sits at her suite's vanity while some hot European piece fastens a chunky pendant around her elegant neck. "You're beautiful," he tells her, and he's not lying. "You're sweet," she replies, and neither is she, though she does add, "I hate sweet." And because I couldn't give a rat's ass about their feelings for each other if I tried, I'll ignore the implications of that exchange in favor of noting Sinister Chet's silent arrival in the room. He clears his throat, apologizes for interrupting, announces "the pantry's full" and "the last guests have arrived," then zips across the room from the door to present the self-possessed woman with two vials of blood. Seriously, one second he's at the door, and the next second, he's all up in her face, like, how'd he do that? "Thank you, Mercury," the woman smiles, and there's that mystery solved, I suppose. Mercury nicked the vial blood from Our Intrepid Heroes, of course, and now that everything's ready, that hot piece from Europe wants to get the show on the road. "It's about time!" shrieks Raoul.

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