Supernatural

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The Hardy Boys Do the Zelda Rubenstein Thing

Upstairs in Sari's bedroom, Missouri says, "If there is a dark energy here, this room should be the center of it." Sam asks why, and she tells him, "This used to be your nursery, Sam. This is where it all happened." Creepy ghost screams on the score, as Dean backs nervously toward the door. Dean revs up his tiny hilarious Treo-ish ghost detector -- what is it with him and bitty, ineffective tools? -- and Missouri calls him an "amateur" for using this "EMF." She concludes that she doesn't know whether they should be disappointed or relieved, but "this ain't the thing that took your mom." She busts into the haunted closet and drops the bomb: this isn't an "it," it's a "them." And "they" are in the house because of what happened to the Winchester family. How Missouri explains it: "Real evil came to you. That kind of evil leaves wounds. And sometimes wounds get infected. This place is a magnet for paranormal energy. It's attracted a poltergeist." Yawn. Until Dean decides to go all cowboy: "Well one thing's for damn sure. No one's dying in this house. Ever again. So whatever is here, how do we stop it?"

Glad you asked, Dean! We stop it by tying up little bags of sage and patchouli and sacrificing the Birkenstocked hippies that are attracted by its scent! Dude, I wish that was a plot point. They are indeed bagging up some witchy materials that they will have to place inside the walls in the four corners of the house. Missouri says this "should purify the house completely," and I wonder why nobody did this after the mom was killed. Perhaps the poltergeist-fighting power of angelica root is a recent discovery. Thanks, Glaxo-Smith-Kline. Missouri tells the boys they'll have to work fast, because "once the spirits realize what we're up to, things are going to get bad."

Home Sweet Evil. Jenny and her kids are leaving to get out of Ray Parker, Jr.'s way. Sam begins tapping like a little pansy on a horrifically papered wall. You'd think the Nate Berkus in him would take a more combative stance toward this dark blue, ornately flowered monstrosity. Meanwhile, behind him, a lamp cord begins snaking its way toward him. Downstairs in the kitchen, Dean is also approaching the wall a bit too mincingly. Behind him, the knife drawer opens. In the basement, Missouri bends down to tuck her pouch of Ghost B Gon into a corner when a huge dresser comes hurtling toward her, pinning her to the wall. Just as Dean sloooowwwwlllyyyy moves his bag of herbs toward the wall, he hears a knife being unsheathed. He ducks as the knife whirs past him. He thinks quickly and turns the kitchen table on its edge, just in time for about six knives to stab into the wood. Back upstairs, Sam is menaced by a lamp cord. If that isn't the gayest threat ever devised, I don't know what would be. Well, I guess a feather boa with a penchant for wrapping itself too tightly around his fabulous neck might be gayer. ["The part where the lamp was basically tiptoeing around in the background of the shot cracked me up. Probably not the effect they were going for." -- Sars] The lamp cord pulls Sam to the ground, strangling him as he reaches his little bag of Organic Poltergeist-icide toward the hole he's made in the wall. The cord is too much for him, and he lies nearly dead on the floor when Dean rushes in. Dean kneels on top of him and grunts and groans trying to loosen the cord. Or whatever. He realizes that he needs to get the little bag in the hole (I'll say!) to save Sam. Once he does, the room illuminates in a harsh white light and we get an exterior shot of the evil light fleeing the house. Sam wheezes and struggles to breathe until Dean lifts his head and untwists the cord from around his neck.

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Supernatural

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